1. Meet a humble young man named Kyrie Irving. Irving is a 20-year-old superstar basketball player for the Cleveland Cavaliers.
3. However, a recent broken bone in his jaw has SPLIT KYRIE IRVING IN TWO. Against the New York Knicks earlier this week, he became Evil Kyrie Irving.
4. Evil Kyrie Irving can do things like this. He also went for 41 points against the Knicks, a career high.
Evil Kyrie Irving also fittingly wears a red jersey. Red is the color of mischief and, uh, dastardly deeds.
5. In his next game against the Toronto Raptors, though, a new Kyrie Irving took the court: Good Kyrie Irving, wearing a clear facemask.
(Good Kyrie Irving was made possible because David Stern wouldn’t let Kyrie wear the black mask. The idea of Good being permitted by David Stern is kind of ironic.)
6. Good Kyrie Irving can still do things like this, except now he’s Good, i.e. doesn’t look like Venom from Spider-Man.
Good Kyrie Irving wears a white jersey, because white is the color of — well, white isn’t actually a color, so I don’t know. GOOD.
7. So, who will triumph in the end? Good Kyrie Irving? Bad Kyrie Irving? Regular Kyrie Irving? None of the above, because he plays in Cleveland and is therefore cursed?
But probably that last one.