The New Air Jordans Look Like Dumb Space Boots

These shoes are ugly and stupid and I hate them.

Source: pbs.twimg.com

Air Jordans are the bedrock of sneakerdom. Few, if any, sneakers have had as much of an impact on the fashion and athletic world than Jordans. They’re a titanic product with global reach and the weight of history behind them.

IT DOESN’T MATTER. The new XX8s look like something Robin Hood would wear to a funeral. Tom Brady should promote these. They’re the ugliest sneakers I’ve ever seen. They look like they’re made of lycra, and the little shiny patches above and around the sole, which are they only things that even qualify them as sneakers when the stupid hood is zipped up, are weird scabs that look dumb.

When you zip down that S&M cover-up, the situation doesn’t get any better.

Via: instagram.com

Have you ever wanted sneakers the color of nuclear runoff? Have you ever wondered what aliens wear when they hoop in the Andromeda Galaxy? Do you wish that you could blind your opponents with the neon green disease that is your feet? Then boy do we have the shoes for you! Aside from the basic absurdity of ever picturing these things on an actual basketball court — yo, dude, pass me the ball, I bet that now I’m wearing the Venom suit I’ll be able to dunk — I also can’t really imagine people wearing them on the street. They’re basically high-top booties with purple soles.

Who knows, though. It’s not like they’re any worse than their namesake’s style.

First picture: H/T Darren Rovell
Second picture: H/T jumpman23