The Definitive Analysis Of Peyton Manning’s Future

Human quarterback Peyton Manning is about to gain a new identity. As the 35-year-old NFL star considers whether he’d like to become a Cardinal, Bronco, Dolphin, or Titan, we decided to consider his chances of success case by case. This is new territory for the guy, and we want to make his transition as easy as possible.

Manning in 2009, before injuries sidelined the future Hall-of-Famer and upset his career.

If he were to become a Cardinal, Manning’s wings would be a cure for his below-average foot-speed and age-slowed athleticism. Plus, his feathers give him a nice red sheen.

Becoming a Dolphin would be a stellar way for Manning to deal with his neck issues, since dolphins don’t really have necks. Due to the flipper situation, arm strength and deep throws could be a problem, but he’d instantly be a far more mobile quarterback when under water.

Manning’s best chances of returning to pre-injury form would probably come as a Bronco, combining his unmatched football IQ with four legs and a healthy, powerful tail. And considering that the bulk of his career came as a Colt, growing into a full adult horse seems like a natural next step.

It’s too early to rule out Manning as a Titan, though. Being made of smoke and fire would do wonders for his durability, and Peyton’s size—6’5” as a human, incredibly insanely huge as a Titan—could once again become a strength.

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