Biker LeBron James likes to ride his bike! He rides his bike to American Airlines arena, where the Heat play. With the playoffs coming up, a solid, refreshing bike ride is going to become even more important for biker LeBron’s peace of mind, so we decided to take a look at the bike-friendliest cities the Heat could get matched up with, based on this list from Bicycling magazine. (The numbered rankings are what they were given in the article.) If the city isn’t bike-friendly, prepare for the Heat to get upset!***
***hahahahahaha not actually.
3. UNRANKED: Atlanta (Hawks)
Everyone knows that you basically have to spend your life in a car if you live in Atlanta. Especially Gucci Mane. Gucci knows.
4. UNRANKED: Orlando (Magic)
Ahh well, he can just ride a dragon.
5. 45. Indianapolis (Indiana Pacers)
Now we’re into the ranked cities. LeBron can do some good riding in Indy — just don’t get clobbered by an elephant! Elephant crossing! (Elephants in Indianapolis?)
6. 44. Miami (Heat)
Now THAT’S what I call home court advantage. Also, pastels.
7. 27. Philadelphia (76ers)
Ironic that this LOVE statue is such an emblem of Philadelphia. When it comes to sports, Philly fans would boo Gandhi if turned the ball over on a fast break.
8. 26. Boston (Celtics)
Ben Affleck thinks LeBron’s bike is fucking weak.
9. 25. Milwaukee (Bucks)
Brandon Jennings: Hey! Hey, LeBron!
Brandon: Hey, LeBron!
Brandon: LeBron, let’s go biking together!
Brandon: LeBron, you want to? Maybe tomorrow?
Brandon’s mom: BRANDON STOP TALKING TO YOUR FATHEADS.
10. 10. Chicago (Bulls)
Chicago is bike-friendly. But Chicago’s also the Heat’s biggest rival this year. This is like TWILIGHT (somehow).
11. 8. (And the winner!): New York City (Knicks)
New York’s a perfect fit for LeBron and his bike, because the Heat would love to play the Knicks in the playoffs anyway. Happy riding, LeBron! Don’t get pushed off the Williamsburg bridge!