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    The Adventures Of Tim Thomas During His Year Off From Hockey

    The world is his conservative oyster!

    Stanley Cup-winning, President-snubbing Boston Bruins goaltender Tim Thomas has announced that he'll sit out next season to "reconnect with the three F's. Friends, Family, and Faith." In honor of the mustachioed goalie's decision to find himself, I came up with a few possible adventures that might appeal to him.

    Campaign for Pat Buchanan to be the first United States Sheriff-in-Chief.

    Model worldwide the different styles of facial hair available to men.

    Impersonate Ron Howard.

    Take over the entire Supreme Court once Ron Paul wins the presidency in a surprise third-party victory.

    And last, but not least, he could complete his Boston hero-status... and star in a Ben Affleck movie.