1. Mark, you can’t distract me with steak. We’re down five points.
3. I’ve spent, like, five nights in a row investigating our derivatives. IT’S A DISASTER.
4. You want to know what would be a good birthday present? Help me unload 50% of my shares.
5. I can’t even spend an hour at the gym without the clowns at Morgan Stanley calling me to solve some emergency.
8. Not going to lie, I expected a little more from a guy who’s worth $20 billion.
9. YOU THINK YOU COULD’VE HANDLED THE IPO BETTER? SAY THAT TO MY FURRY FACE.
10. The secret to a successful presentation to shareholders? Be clean.
12. I haven’t gotten up from my desk in 15 hours. Not even to pee.
16. I still don’t understand why Bernanke insisted I be neutered, but whatever.
In The News Today
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