When a major scandal happens in sports or politics or Hollywood, people will often joke that anyone with a similar skeleton in their closet — or on the horizon — should break it out then, so it’ll get lost in the noise.
Welp, guys and girls, that time is now if your scandal happens to be of the crashed-your-expensive-vehicle-with-a-passenger-on-board variety.
2. SCANDAL 1: University of Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino
Bobby Petrino did his scandal right. (And by right, we mean that he made it as scandalous as possible.)
1. He crashed his motorcycle
2. He initially lied about being alone on his motorcycle, and said he’d been with his wife all day.
3. He actually had a woman with him on the motorcycle.
4. That woman also works for the University of Arkansas football team.
5. That woman is engaged to be married, to someone who ALSO works in the University of Arkansas athletic department.
6. And now people are leaving really terrible messages in her wedding guest book.
Also, the year the Mike Vick scandal happened was also Petrino’s first year as coach of the Falcons. (He lasted 13 games before quitting to coach Arkansas.) So, at least he has experience with this whole scandal thing.
3. SCANDAL 2: Mario Balotelli, striker for EPL club Manchester City
Mario Balotelli does everything right. He’s insane. His situation.
1. He crashed his white Bentley in the center of Manchester.
2. He had a female passenger.
3. Both of them appear to be unhurt, though the woman he was with made a precautionary trip to the hospital.
4. And Balotelli joked with witnesses about the crash.
5. This isn’t the first ridiculous thing that’s happened to him since joining City, either: he also a) broke curfew to go to a strip club; b) almost had his house burned down with fireworks by “friends”; c) crashed his Audi, and when asked by police why he had 5,000 pounds on him, said, “Because I am rich.”