How To Sneak Into The Super Bowl

Two Savannah State students accomplished the impossible: they sneaked in to the world’s biggest sporting event.

1. These two Savannah State students — code names “Kobe” and “LeBron” — set off to do a very difficult thing: sneak into the Super Bowl. Without tickets. Because, you know, tickets cost like, $1,500.

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2. (How did I know their code names were Kobe and LeBron? Well:)

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3. Upon arriving in New Orleans, their journey began, and they faced an early obstacle: one million policemen standing around everywhere. Except, the police had no interest in them — Kobe and LeBron just walked on past.

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4. When they started off, they were a long, long way from the Superdome, where the game was held; it’s that purply spaceship-looking structure in the distance.

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5. If you want a one-word answer for how to sneak into the Super Bowl, that word would be “tunnels.” There are many tunnels involved.

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6. The second obstacle our heroes face is when they come out of a tunnel and a cop is basically like, “What the hell are you guys doing?” They say they’re filming a documentary. The cop goes to check something. They run away.

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7. This is where we first start to see large amounts of Super Bowl #branding. That’s how you know you’re getting close when you sneak into the Super Bowl.

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8. Where there are tunnels, there are also staircases. This is Newton’s First Law Of Sneaking Into Sporting Events

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9. Even after all of this tunneling and staircase-climbing and cop-evading, though, the Superdome remains so very far away. Sneaking into the Super Bowl is not for the faint of heart or body.

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10. “Dude, you think we’re getting closer?” “I don’t know, man, but I do see this purple light everywhere.” (They didn’t actually say this, but I did, to myself.)

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11. At this point, as they near the objective, Kobe and LeBron’s feats start to get more and more impressive. Here, an attendant lets them into another peripheral building.

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12. But why? Why does that person let them in?

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13. Ah, yes. They’re carrying a box. Good reminder here that if you are carrying a box, people will assume you are carrying it for a reason. (For your sake, hope they don’t assume that reason is related to domestic terrorism.)

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14. Even after all this, they still seem so far. They seem so far. So far. So far… away.

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15. Except, once you’ve gotten past a certain point, you can basically just walk across a huge empty parking lot to get to the Super Bowl. Also, climb a loading dock. Nice #branding, Mercedes-Benz!

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16. Clearly, the hardest part about sneaking into the Super Bowl is getting near it. Once you’ve breached a certain ring of access, the assumption becomes that you are supposed to be there, not that you aren’t.

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17. And at that point, you just walk into the game —

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18. — and take a seat. This is a great money-saving technique. You might also get arrested. But if you don’t: great money-saving technique.

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19. Here’s the full video.

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