Hear NBA All-Stars Mangle "Call Me Maybe" And Other Love Songs

James Harden: excellent basketball player, terrible song singer.

To truly be an NBA All-Star, one has to give of oneself fully — you can’t just show up and play ball, so to speak. You have to ENTERTAIN. Because, like, you’re not going to actually try when you’re on the basketball court; this game doesn’t matter. The NBA knows this, so they make the players do goofy-as-hell things. For example: prerecording love songs to show on the Jumbotron. (All-Star Weekend does just follow Valentine’s Day! It’s timely!)

2. James Harden went first, taking on Rihanna’s part from Drake’s “Take Care” and sounding like a cat that inhaled helium before being dragged through a car wash.

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3. Carmelo Anthony went next, and he wasn’t much better on Adele’s “Someone Like You.” In fact, the word “better” should have a restraining order against Carmelo Anthony’s singing voice.

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4. Dwyane Wade MESSES UP THE WORDS TO “CALL ME MAYBE.” At this point, more Americans know the words to “Call Me Maybe” than the Pledge of Allegiance.

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5. Blake Griffin manages to distract from his particular brand of bad singing by being a huge ham.

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6. Jrue Holiday also does Rihanna and goes last, and he might have the best singing voice of the group — again, “best” being a tremendously relative term here — he also completely forgets the words. “Something something,” indeed.

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The video also teased out some other songs sung by All-Stars, including:

— “As Long As You Love Me,” by LeBron James — “Man, you want me to sing that? You know my history with the fans, right?”

— “What Makes You Beautiful,” by Dwight Howard — “I won’t sing unless you let me sing for three minutes and also front One Direction.”

— “Love You Like A Love Song,” by Kobe Bryant — “I’m not going to sing.”

— “It Will Rain,” by Kevin Durant — “Damn right it will.”

— “The One That Got Away,” by Russell Westbrook — *Russ starts crying and asking for James Harden*

— “Somebody That I Used To Know,” by David Lee, who is actually Gotye

— “You Da One,” by LaMarcus Aldridge” — “Hey guys, thanks for asking!”

— “We Found Love,” by Tyson Chandler — “Can I wear a cool hat in the video?”

and finally

— “Payphone,” by Kevin Garnett, which, come on, even my brain won’t let me picture Kevin Garnett singing.

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