Hear NBA All-Stars Mangle "Call Me Maybe" And Other Love Songs

James Harden: excellent basketball player, terrible song singer.

To truly be an NBA All-Star, one has to give of oneself fully — you can’t just show up and play ball, so to speak. You have to ENTERTAIN. Because, like, you’re not going to actually try when you’re on the basketball court; this game doesn’t matter. The NBA knows this, so they make the players do goofy-as-hell things. For example: prerecording love songs to show on the Jumbotron. (All-Star Weekend does just follow Valentine’s Day! It’s timely!)

2. James Harden went first, taking on Rihanna’s part from Drake’s “Take Care” and sounding like a cat that inhaled helium before being dragged through a car wash.

3. Carmelo Anthony went next, and he wasn’t much better on Adele’s “Someone Like You.” In fact, the word “better” should have a restraining order against Carmelo Anthony’s singing voice.

4. Dwyane Wade MESSES UP THE WORDS TO “CALL ME MAYBE.” At this point, more Americans know the words to “Call Me Maybe” than the Pledge of Allegiance.

5. Blake Griffin manages to distract from his particular brand of bad singing by being a huge ham.

6. Jrue Holiday also does Rihanna and goes last, and he might have the best singing voice of the group — again, “best” being a tremendously relative term here — he also completely forgets the words. “Something something,” indeed.

The video also teased out some other songs sung by All-Stars, including:

— “As Long As You Love Me,” by LeBron James — “Man, you want me to sing that? You know my history with the fans, right?”

— “What Makes You Beautiful,” by Dwight Howard — “I won’t sing unless you let me sing for three minutes and also front One Direction.”

— “Love You Like A Love Song,” by Kobe Bryant — “I’m not going to sing.”

— “It Will Rain,” by Kevin Durant — “Damn right it will.”

— “The One That Got Away,” by Russell Westbrook — *Russ starts crying and asking for James Harden*

— “Somebody That I Used To Know,” by David Lee, who is actually Gotye

— “You Da One,” by LaMarcus Aldridge” — “Hey guys, thanks for asking!”

— “We Found Love,” by Tyson Chandler — “Can I wear a cool hat in the video?”

and finally

— “Payphone,” by Kevin Garnett, which, come on, even my brain won’t let me picture Kevin Garnett singing.