2. John Axford, Relief Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
Pirates once sailed the
Seven Seas, seeking plunder.
Now they play baseball.
3. Brian Wilson, Relief Pitcher, San Francisco Giants
You think it’s a beard.
Brian thinks it’s a weapon
Of mass destruction.
4. Jayson Werth, Outfielder, Washington Nationals
Let the animals
Come to me; I am Jayson,
5. David Ortiz, Designated Hitter, Boston Red Sox
You can cut diamonds
On the edges of David’s
Beard. Fuck a mustache.
6. Clay Zavada, Relief Pitcher, Cincinnati Reds
Clay’s stache can bench more
Than any stache in the league.
Do not mess with it.
7. Manny Ramirez, Designated Hitter, Oakland Athletics
Kiss the facial hair,
Manny says. He then eats a
Whole honey-baked ham.
8. Jim Leyland, Manager, Detroit Tigers
Jim Leyland’s mustache
Smells like cigarettes, wisdom.
Drink deeply from it.
- 26 people, thought to be refugees and migrants, were discovered in the back of a truck in Austria. ›
- Thai police arrested a man alleged to have explosives in his possession, almost two weeks after a deadly bomb blast in Bangkok killed 20 people. ›
- Kyle Jean-Baptiste, the first black man to play Jean Valjean on Broadway in "Les Misérables," died Friday. He was 21. ›