2. John Axford, Relief Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers
Pirates once sailed the
Seven Seas, seeking plunder.
Now they play baseball.
3. Brian Wilson, Relief Pitcher, San Francisco Giants
You think it’s a beard.
Brian thinks it’s a weapon
Of mass destruction.
4. Jayson Werth, Outfielder, Washington Nationals
Let the animals
Come to me; I am Jayson,
5. David Ortiz, Designated Hitter, Boston Red Sox
You can cut diamonds
On the edges of David’s
Beard. Fuck a mustache.
6. Clay Zavada, Relief Pitcher, Cincinnati Reds
Clay’s stache can bench more
Than any stache in the league.
Do not mess with it.
7. Manny Ramirez, Designated Hitter, Oakland Athletics
Kiss the facial hair,
Manny says. He then eats a
Whole honey-baked ham.
8. Jim Leyland, Manager, Detroit Tigers
Jim Leyland’s mustache
Smells like cigarettes, wisdom.
Drink deeply from it.
- Planned Parenthood officials said they believed Friday's shooting at a Colorado Springs clinic was motivated by opposition to abortion. ›
- World leaders are gathering in Paris for the United Nations summit on climate change 🌍 ›
- And Kobe Bryant wrote a poem announcing that he's retiring from professional basketball at the end of this season 🏀🎭 ›