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Haikus For The Most Glorious Facial Hair In Baseball

Baseball is known for its quirky facial hair. And quirky facial hair deserves the quirkiest of poetic forms: haikus.

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2. John Axford, Relief Pitcher, Milwaukee Brewers

Getty Images

Pirates once sailed the
Seven Seas, seeking plunder.
Now they play baseball.

3. Brian Wilson, Relief Pitcher, San Francisco Giants

DARRYL WEBB / Reuters

You think it’s a beard.
Brian thinks it’s a weapon
Of mass destruction.

4. Jayson Werth, Outfielder, Washington Nationals

Paul Sancya / AP

Let the animals
Come to me; I am Jayson,
Squirrel whisperer.

5. David Ortiz, Designated Hitter, Boston Red Sox

STEVE NESIUS / Reuters

You can cut diamonds
On the edges of David’s
Beard. Fuck a mustache.

6. Clay Zavada, Relief Pitcher, Cincinnati Reds

Rich Pilling / Getty Images

Clay’s stache can bench more
Than any stache in the league.
Do not mess with it.

7. Manny Ramirez, Designated Hitter, Oakland Athletics

Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images

Kiss the facial hair,
Manny says. He then eats a
Whole honey-baked ham.

8. Jim Leyland, Manager, Detroit Tigers

STEVE NESIUS / Reuters

Jim Leyland’s mustache
Smells like cigarettes, wisdom.
Drink deeply from it.

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