Every NFL Fan’s Reaction To Their Team’s Draft Picks

Disbelief, fury, humiliation: it runs the gamut!

1. Kansas City Chiefs — Eric Fisher, OT. “So this makes like four real football players. That’s progress, baby!”

Jason DeCrow / AP

2. Jacksonville Jaguars — Luke Joeckel, OT. “We still have a team?”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

3. Miami Dolphins — Dion Jordan, DE. “This guy’s going to be the next Jason Taylor! He’s going to be the next Lawrence Taylor! He’s going to be the next James Taylor!”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

4. Philadelphia Eagles — Lane Johnson, OT. “What did you say about Mike Vick? Oh, you didn’t say anything about Mike Vick. Sorry, I refuse to acknowledge that we’re drafting in the top 10.”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

5. Detroit Lions — Ezekiel Ansah, DE. “At least he’s not a wide receiver.”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

6. Cleveland Browns — Barkevious Mingo, OLB. “HIS NAME IS BARKEVIOUS. OUR BLEACHERS ARE CALLED THE DAWG POUND. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. *Realizes he lives in Cleveland* Nevermind.”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

7. Arizona Cardinals — Jonathan Cooper, OG. “If only we had four more first-round picks to select four more offensive linemen.”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

8. St. Louis Rams — Tavon Austin, WR. “Hey, you see the Cardinals game last night?”

Adam Hunger / Reuters

9. New York Jets — Dee Milliner, CB. “Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

10. Tennessee Titans — Chance Warmack, OG. “Looks like we’re going to take a CHANCE on him. … Yes, you can put Nashville back on now.”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

11. San Diego Chargers — D.J. Fluker, OT. “Isn’t this the guy who said he got paid while in college? God, he’s probably taking a pay cut.”

Jason DeCrow / AP

12. Oakland Raiders — D.J. Hayden, CB. “Oh, this guy’s supposed to be… wait, he almost DIED in November? He tore his HEART? And now he’s playing professional football? *faints*”

Houston Chronicle, Cody Duty / AP

13. New York Jets — Sheldon Richardson, DT. “Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”

Adam Hunger / Reuters

14. Carolina Panthers — Star Lotulelei, DT. “Dude, you hear about this 14-year-old seven-footer who UNC’s trying to sign? Apparently he likes Duke better, though.”

Rick Bowmer / AP

15. New Orleans Saints — Kenny Vaccaro, FS. “Ugh. I hate seeing a New Orleans Saint next to that ginger bastard.”

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

16. Buffalo Bills — E.J. Manuel, QB. ” *drinks one thousand beers* “

Shannon Stapleton / Reuters

17. Pittsburgh Steelers — Jarvis Jones, OLB. “JARVIS JONES IS A FOOTBALL NAME. THIS GUY’S GONNA BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER. JAMES HARRISON CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.”

Bebeto Matthews / AP

18. San Francisco 49ers — Eric Reid, FS. “I wonder if this guy knows Harbaugh won’t play him a minute as a rookie? Anyway, cute kid.”

Jason DeCrow / AP

19. New York Giants — Justin Pugh, OG. “How do you pronounce his last name? Like, P-U? Pew? Puhhhh? Not sure about this pick.”

G.M. Andrews / AP

20. Chicago Bears — Kyle Long, DE. “I, for one, cannot WAIT to see Howie Long’s kid eats Aaron Rodgers’ face.”

Joe Robbins / Getty Images

21. Cincinnati Bengals — Tyler Eifert, TE. “I can’t follow the draft after Akili Smith. The PTSD’s hard to deal with.”

Joe Raymond / AP

22. Atlanta Falcons — Desmond Trufant, CB. “So, our strategy’s to only draft guys with dreadlocks now? I’m all for it.”

Joe Robbins / Getty Images

23. Minnesota Vikings — Sharrif Floyd, DT. “SHERIFF’S IN TOWN, folks. Wait, we drafted a guy named Sharrif? Huh. I just meant that Sheriff Ron is back from vacation. Yeah, he said it was nice.”

Adam Hunger / Reuters

24. Indianapolis Colts — Bjoern Werner, DE/OLB. “His name’s Bjoern Werner, Dad! I know, I thought he was a tennis player too.”

Adam Hunger / Reuters

25. Minnesota Vikings — Xavier Rhodes, CB. “Imagine going to Florida State and then getting drafted to play in Minnesota. Do you think he even owns a jacket?”

Al Bello / Getty Images

26. Green Bay Packers — Datone Jones, DE. “No mere football player can be a Green Bay Packer. This man needs to earn it. Until then, I will refer to him exclusively as ‘dumb rookie.’”

The Green Bay Press-Gazette, Lukas Keapproth / AP

27. Houston Texans — DeAndre Hopkins, WR. “Man, it’s going to suck for Hopkins when he finds out that Schaub’s his quarterback.”

Dave Martin, File / AP

28. Denver Broncos — Sylvester Williams, DT. “At least he’s not Tebow.”

Dave Martin / AP

29. Minnesota Vikings — Cordarrelle Patterson, WR. ” *had already turned the Draft off because who the hell has THREE first-round picks* “

Jason DeCrow / AP

30. St. Louis Rams — Alec Ogletree, OLB. “Remember when we could’ve drafted RGIII? That was cool. Good times.”

David Goldman / AP

31. Dallas Cowboys — Travis Frederick, OC. “Guy has a great beard. Too bad we gave Tony Romo all that money.”

Dave Martin / AP

32. Baltimore Ravens — Matt Elam, S. “I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE WE WON THE SUPER BOWL”

Dave Martin / AP

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