10 Things The Atlanta Hawks Are Like

The Hawks are decent, limited, and mildly entertaining. Pretty much the epitome of mediocre. As such, they are very much like these other things.

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The Atlanta Hawks survived to fight another day after Rajon Rondo inexplicably dribbled into a corner last night. But don’t be fooled: they will lose, as they have in the previous four playoffs, always in the first or second round.

In 2012, the Hawks define serviceably mediocre. Just like these other things.

3. Bradley Cooper movies

Like the Hawks, Bradley Cooper-starring vehicles entertain you until they end, at which point you completely forget about them.

4. Joe Johnson

John Bazemore / AP

Like the Hawks, Joe Johnson, the team’s centerpiece, plays a vanilla and forgettable brand of basketball that will never top the explosiveness and ability of a LeBron James or Kevin Durant despite being paid at the same level.

5. Three llamas

Like the Hawks. I mean, look.

6. The AI in video games

Like the Hawks, the AI in video games puts up a good fight, but after all, it’s designed to lose.

7. Bagel Bites

Like the Hawks, Bagel Bites disappear quicker than you expect and don’t satisfy you in the end, despite being enjoyable in their own way.

8. Late night talk shows

Like the Hawks, late-night talk shows leave you wishing you had just gone to bed instead, even though they have their charms. Except Leno.

9. Jonathan Safran Foer

Like the Hawks, Jonathan Safran Foer impersonates people who do what he does with more skill, craft, and ability.

10. Interpol

Like the Hawks, Interpol never surpass their initial promise, instead churning out one passable effort after another.

11. Bowling

Like the Hawks, bowling’s a fun-enough excuse to drink beer, it’s just — couldn’t we have done something else?

12. John Kerry

Like the Hawks, John Kerry’s ok, but… yeah.

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