1. The most serious relationship in your life right now is with your Netflix account.
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2. You can’t even decide what you’re going to eat for dinner, let alone who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
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3. Honestly, you can barely find a plus one to bring to the weddings you get invited to.
4. The drunk texts you send on the weekends are usually to your mom, not your current hookups.
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5. You feel genuinely afraid for all of your peers who are getting engaged on Facebook.
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6. And genuinely annoyed when their thousands of wedding photos take over your social media.
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7. Even the thought of getting a houseplant brings up your latent commitment issues.
8. Nothing makes your palms sweat faster than watching public engagements go down.
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9. When you see wedding gowns, you don’t immediately envision yourself in them.
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10. And when you’re at the salon or waiting for the doctor, the bridal magazines are the last ones you flip through.
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11. You just don’t understand the appeal of Pinterest wedding boards.
12. You can’t fathom how people can budget for a huge wedding when you barely afford your weekend bar tab.
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13. When you see a diamond ring, you immediately equate how much you could sell it for to help pay off your student loans.
14. You lose a sock every time you do laundry. No one should be trusting you to keep track of an engagement ring.
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15. When your friends talk about their dream weddings, the only contribution you can make is what flavor cake you’re currently craving.
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16. Registries remind you of everything you want but can’t buy for your own apartment, because your five roommates can’t be trusted.
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17. Whenever you hear the sentence, “When I get married,” you silently correct it to “IF I get married” in your head.
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19. And you get uncomfortable bringing up other peoples’ engagements in front of friends, in fear they’ll ask you if “you’re next.”
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20. You don’t automatically associate a perfect romance or love with marriage.
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