1. The most serious relationship in your life right now is with your Netflix account.
2. You can’t even decide what you’re going to eat for dinner, let alone who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
3. Honestly, you can barely find a plus one to bring to the weddings you get invited to.
4. The drunk texts you send on the weekends are usually to your mom, not your current hookups.
5. You feel genuinely afraid for all of your peers who are getting engaged on Facebook.
6. And genuinely annoyed when their thousands of wedding photos take over your social media.
7. Even the thought of getting a houseplant brings up your latent commitment issues.
8. Nothing makes your palms sweat faster than watching public engagements go down.
9. When you see wedding gowns, you don’t immediately envision yourself in them.
10. And when you’re at the salon or waiting for the doctor, the bridal magazines are the last ones you flip through.
11. You just don’t understand the appeal of Pinterest wedding boards.
12. You can’t fathom how people can budget for a huge wedding when you barely afford your weekend bar tab.
13. When you see a diamond ring, you immediately equate how much you could sell it for to help pay off your student loans.
14. You lose a sock every time you do laundry. No one should be trusting you to keep track of an engagement ring.
15. When your friends talk about their dream weddings, the only contribution you can make is what flavor cake you’re currently craving.
16. Registries remind you of everything you want but can’t buy for your own apartment, because your five roommates can’t be trusted.
17. Whenever you hear the sentence, “When I get married,” you silently correct it to “IF I get married” in your head.
18. You dread the inevitable, “So, are you seeing anyone?” conversation at all family functions.
19. And you get uncomfortable bringing up other peoples’ engagements in front of friends, in fear they’ll ask you if “you’re next.”
20. You don’t automatically associate a perfect romance or love with marriage.
- And watch a man react to the modern world after spending 44 years in prison. ›