It’s *Las Vegas, and lower your voice. I’m trying to enjoy the buffet.
2. Everyone else on a flight to Vegas:
You on a flight to Vegas:
3. You’ve had more than one person ask you if there are schools there.
Nope! And there aren’t any police either!
4. You’ve learned to respond to that question with: “Nope, we’re all strippers”
…it’s just easier that way
5. But then there’s: “Is your mom a stripper?”
Nope, she’s not. But this is the 21st century, have the decency to ask if my dad’s a stripper (he isn’t either).
7. You’re a little confused by rain.
…and don’t even get us started on snow.
8. You laugh when your friends complain about how hot it is where they live.
Unless the temp is over 110 degrees I don’t want to hear it.
9. And you’ve never Instagrammed the temperature
Unless the temperature’s over 125 it’s totally not social media-worthy
10. You grew up around Summerlin or Henderson, and don’t know anyone who lives on the Strip.
Suburbia 4 lyfe yo.
11. Vegas is the MOST EXCITING PLACE IN THE WORLD!!! …unless you’re under 21
You spent your childhood weekends at Scandia and Mini Grand Prix.
And once you were old enough, you spent your weekends at the local casino’s movie theater and food court.
You badass you, staying past their 9 p.m. curfew.
12. You’ve been told so many times, “I don’t know how you live there; I couldn’t do it.”
You’re right, it is hard to balance school and work with your constant need to take drugs and make out with random strangers to house music.
13. You’ve never had a home team for any sport.
Unless you count the Las Vegas 51s (you shouldn’t).
14. You never paid for parking ANYWHERE.
That’s right, big-city friends: GIANT, FREE PARKING LOTS.
15. And there is free valet parking at your local hospital
No joke here, we’ve all used it.
16. Both the gas station and grocery store you shopped at had at least five video poker machines.
…and someone was always there playing one.
And don’t forget about the airport!
You can’t bring liquids to your gate but you can lose your whole life savings before takeoff!
17. You took a field trip to the Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat at the Mirage at least once in school.
And if you didn’t, spoiler alert: It’s boring.
18. If you played a high school sport, you had to travel to miserable Reno to play in the Nevada Interscholastic Activities Association championships.
…where you probably lost to Bishop Gorman (unless you played for Bishop Gorman, in which case, everyone hates you).
19. School dances? Time to awkwardly grind on a party bus before seeing Blue Man Group for the third time.
Oh, young love in Sin City.
20. You were taught all the words to “Home Means Nevada” in elementary school, and could probably recite the whole thing right now.
…but please don’t.
21. Thanks to Nevada Day, you always got Halloween off from school.
When you trick-or-treat in Vegas you get booze instead of candy (not true).
22. You remember what the Adventuredome was like before it became one of the top 10 places to get stabbed in Las Vegas.*
*that statistic may be made up
23. You spent a lot of summer days at Wet ‘n’ Wild
Their recipe for fun: one part water to three parts urine.
25. People-watching on the strip is your favorite hobby
Thank you, drunk tourists. Thank you.
26. You can’t understand places that close early, since everything around you is open 24 hours
Yes I’m getting donuts and Andre from the grocery store at 4 a.m. No I don’t care what you think.
27. It’s Nevaaaahda, NOT Nevahhhhda
…and if you get it wrong, you’re an aaaahs-hole not an ahhhhs-hole
28. And last: You know being “born and raised” in Las Vegas is rare. If you’re one of the few native Las Vegans out there, congrats!
Congrats on growing up in Sin City and surviving the daily struggle to stay sober for longer than an hour, wash the glitter off your clothes each morning (Katy Perry says that’s what you get), and make it to Little Darlings before your shift starts!