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Congratulations classmates-turned-alumni on joining the real world. Your four years of hard work finally paid off. I hope the 9-5 life is everything you’ve ever dreamed.
For those still unemployed or just finishing up a post-grad summer internship: try to remain calm while flooded with status updates of #reunitedanditfeelssogood.
Because school is about to start, and you’re not there — you adult you.
It’s no longer acceptable to use “college” as your explanation for anything and everything.
Taco Bell at 3 a.m.? College.
Thirsty Thursday? College.
Month-old laundry? College.
Togas? So college.
But you didn’t have a choice, you say. College can’t last forever.
Maybe not, but you could’ve taken a victory lap. Like me.
Sure, it’s a little more expensive...
But it’s also awesome. Why? Because I get more time to plan out my future. It’s kind of like an extension on a homework assignment.
Except, this assignment is the most important one yet, and failure isn’t an option.
Sometimes four years just isn’t enough time, and that’s OK. Why rush?
I can’t say I’m looking forward to essays and tests and homework and studying and reading and cramming and all-nighters and ohmygod.
But so what if I’m a super-senior? Right now, there’s no place I’d rather be.
So as the school year begins, I’m a pour one Natty Light out for my post-grad homies.
Look for me in the student section. I’ll be the one with gray hair.