1. You have literally no idea what to bring when you get invited to a potluck dinner.
You are usually the person who brings alcohol and chips.
2. Your freezers are always stuffed with frozen dinners.
Yeah, yeah, you shouldn’t be eating all those frozen dinners, but what else are you going to eat? Burnt things?
3. And the only thing in your fridge is takeout leftovers and alcohol.
4. That’s because your three main food groups are cereal, sandwiches, and noodles you can cook in a microwave.
5. You sometimes buy fresh produce out of guilt, and then guiltily watch as it all expires in your fridge.
6. If you cannot cook it in the microwave, you are probably not going to cook it.
7. You’re a genius at putting things on the stove or in the oven and then completely forgetting about them.
8. You actually hate frozen pizza, because it is all the stress of cooking with none of the convenience of ordering pizza.
Some ovens just want to watch frozen pizza burn.
9. When you buy something frozen, and you realize it CAN’T be cooked in the microwave and must go in the oven, you feel like you have been tricked.
LOOKING AT YOU, PIZZA ROLLS.
10. Your smoke detectors are always covered with something.
Or you’ve just completely given up and pulled the batteries out.
11. You will never admit this, but you do not really understand why some foods cook at 375 degrees, and some foods cook at 425 degrees.
Can’t there just be one temperature, like with the microwave?
12. Everything you’ve ever made involving eggs has little bits of shell in it.
13. You have accidentally melted at least one piece of plastic on your stove.
And at least two in your dishwasher.
14. You know better than to try and make anything off of Pinterest.
You don’t deserve cupcakes.
15. No one ever assigns you anything to make for Thanksgiving.
It’s just better that way.
16. You honestly only know what half the things in your kitchen are used for.
Why do people need wooden spoons? What are they even used for???
17. The only two spices you have any sort of ability with are salt and pepper.
I don’t know what to do with you, cumin, I’M REALLY SORRY.
18. You get really annoyed with cookbooks and/or people who just tell you to “follow the recipe.”
It’s the same as if you gave me a set of blueprints and then asked me to build a building.
19. You never, ever remember to put cooking spray on the pan.
You shouldn’t be allowed near fire.
20. Your kitchen is surprisingly clean… because you never actually use it to cook anything.
21. When someone invites you over for dinner, you feel like you have been saved from a sinking ship.
An actual home cooked meal for me? That isn’t poison?
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