1. Finding a bra that actually fits is practically its own Olympic event.
And if/when you actually find one, you will shell out the GDP of a small nation to purchase it.
2. Getting a bra on your body is like being in a rodeo where you’re both the cowboy AND the bull.
3. It’s always a little problematic whenever you have to run unexpectedly.
4. It makes zero sense that bras are sized according to your boobs, but button up shirts AREN’T.
Gap city, gap gap city, bitch.
5. Whenever anyone at Victoria’s Secret tries to size you for a bra OVER YOUR CLOTHES, you throw them some serious shade.
Fit my actual tits, or GTFO.
6. Putting on a low-cut top always makes you feel a little bit dangerous.
7. Underwires have a difficult time standing up to your spectacular boobage, and will just poke you until you figure it out.
8. You know the terror of the dreaded QUADBOOB.
On the first day of Breastmas, my ill-fitting bra gave to me: four small boobs instead of two huge ones.
9. You know that putting on a push-up bra is just gonna make you look ridiculous.
12. Wearing a pair of sports bras when you go on a run is a totally normal thing to you.
13. Putting on a strapless dress is the very definition of tempting fate.
14. By now, you’re used to all the mean jokes about your rack.
You’ve heard them all: Tits McGee, Juggs McCoy, double bubble, the boobinator, veloco-rackter.
15. If you try to drape a tent-style blouse on your boobs, you look ginormous.
16. But if you wear something that actually fits your boobs, you worry about being judged.
17. Your mother was always very, very concerned if it looked like you weren’t wearing a bra.
“You look droopy today, is everything OK?”
18. Whenever you tell anyone that you’re thinking of getting a breast reduction, people act like you’re thinking about getting a limb reduction.
19. People assume that they’re much less sensitive to jiggling than they actually are.
20. You know that if you decide to lie on your stomach, you will face certain boobular strangulation.
Unless you get creative.
21. You will make fun of it until the day you die, but secretly, you think that the Tiddy Bear is kind of a brilliant invention.
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