1. “Let me explain to you what’s going on in this game.”
How you should reply: Unless I tell you otherwise, you can assume I’m following along, thanks.
2. “You watch the Super Bowl just for the commercials, right?”
How you should reply: Seriously, almost everyone watches the Super Bowl partially for the commercials. Relax.
3. “You’re going to bring food when you come over to watch the game, right?”
How you should reply: Because if you can’t keep the lady in the kitchen, the lady should probably bring the kitchen with her, amiright?
4. “Bet you wish Real Housewives/Revenge/Pretty Little Liars was on instead, huh?”
How you should reply: Even if I do like these shows, they can be DVR’d and watched later. Live sports can’t be.
5. “So who got you into this sport, was it your dad or your boyfriend?”
How you should reply: WHO CARES.
6. “Are you just pretending to know what you’re talking about?”
How you should reply: Yup, you got me, totally pretending, please arrest me for sports knowledge fraud.
7. “Who do you think the hottest player on the team is?”
How you should reply: Sorry to break it to you, but at this moment we are more interested in winning than in butts. Check back later?
8. “Can you run to the store to get more beer? You weren’t really paying attention to the game anyway, right?”
How you should reply: I am not here to bartend.
9. “Oh, you like this team? Name five players on it.”
How you should reply: What are you hoping will happen here? That I will fail your pop quiz and then will be banned from liking this team? When you go out to eat, do you make your waiter name five foods before letting him take your order?
10. “Why didn’t you buy one of those pink jerseys?”
How you should reply: Because those are not my team’s colors, obviously.
11. “Shouldn’t you be watching the WNBA, instead?”
How you should reply: Honestly, shouldn’t everyone be watching the WNBA.
12. “Be honest: Are you just doing this so guys will like you?”
How you should reply: Pssssh, guys like me anyway.
13. “Why are you cheering? That play wasn’t that exciting.”
How you should reply: With a big, stanky eye roll.
14. “Wow, that’s an interesting opinion. What sports blog did you get it from?”
How you should reply: Yup, because everything I know and think and feel came straight from the internet.
15. “You only like this sport because you played it in high school, right?”
How you should reply: What does high school have to do with anything, anymore?
16. “Do you really want to play in our fantasy league? You might think it’s too hard.”
How you should reply: I’m going to remind you of this conversation when all of your running backs aggravate old injuries in week 2, you doofus.
17. “Why do you want to come watch the game with us? This is guy time.”
How you should reply: Because I like yelling at the screen and high fives and chugging beer, and these are all activities that suck to do by yourself.
18. “You’re just watching this so that you can seem cool on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram.”
How you should reply: By unfollowing them on everything.
19. “You don’t seem like the type of girl who would like sports.”
How you should reply: Can’t we all like sports, the way we all like food and love and ditching work to go do something more fun?
20. “Oh, this is just a phase, you’ll grow out of it.”
How you should reply: NOOOOOOOOPE!