19 Reasons Why Pants Are The Enemy


1. Pants are experts at pointing out all of your terrible body problems.

Like an overbearing mother you wear all day.

2. Jeans are forever shrinking in the wash.

3. Pants are like jail cells for your legs.

4. When you gain weight, you immediately feel their criticism.

5. You know who was a total loser before he got rid of his pants? WALT.

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6. You know who might not have been pulled into Walt’s horrible web of lies and destruction if he hadn’t been slowed down by pants? JESSE.

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7. Pants aren’t good enough for Jennifer Lawrence.

8. If you have a broken zipper, you’re gonna have a bad time.

9. The coin pocket is more or less useless.

Everyone knows what you’re up to, buddy.

10. You always feel the need to keep pants that don’t fit, even though they just hang in the back of the closet like bitchy girls making fun of you.

11. The only point of rear dress pants pockets is to force you to awkwardly sit on your phone.

Because they’re too small FOR ANYTHING ELSE.

12. They keep you from showing off your fancy legs.

13. You put anything in this pocket? Yeah, it’s gonna fall out.

14. All you think about when sitting down is how much you want to unzip them.

15. Pants are like a thousand seam rips waiting to happen.


16. When you think about it, pants are super unnatural.

17. Which of these two do you think would be more fun to get a beer with? Hint: It is not the one wearing pants.


18. When you finally get to take off your pants at night, how do you feel? GREAT.

19. What is the first thing you do when you get home? TAKE THEM OFF.


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Senior Editor, Hugmaster General
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