1. You will sit in the waiting room for a long, long time…
2. …because your appointment is never at the time it’s supposed to be at.
3. Getting weighed, unexpectedly.
Ugh, and you can’t take off any of your clothes first.
4. When they finally call you into the little room, everything seems overly ominous.
I have to wait next to a container of sharp objects by myself?!
5. When they ask how much alcohol you drink, and you don’t know whether to lie or not.
Three drinks a week? Is that too much?
6. Being asked by the nurse to get undressed and not knowing how much underwear to leave on.
What if I take off too much, and they think I’m a perv?
7. Putting on that paper gown, knowing full well that everyone can see your butt.
8. The epic wait between when the nurse tells you that the doctor will be right in, and when the doctor ACTUALLY shows up.
9. Accidentally making eye contact with the doctor while they’re examining you.
Wanting to leave the universe from embarrassment.
10. Charts and pamphlets that explain things you did not want explained.
Wait, that can break, too?!
11. When your doctor reveals that they don’t really know what’s wrong with you.
What do you mean you don’t know? Can’t you Google it?
12. Being told that you’ll need “a whole series of tests,” which you know will be crazy expensive.
13. When your doctor “wants to rule out some things,” and you interpret it to mean that you are most assuredly dying.
14. Realizing that more than one test means trekking all over the goddamn medical complex.
Why can’t your GP give you a GPS?
15. Needing to pee in a cup, and NOT BEING ABLE TO PEE IN THE CUP.
Seriously, body, this is why we can’t have nice things.
17. A nurse will flick your veins. This will be surprisingly painful.
I feel faint.