1. That it was actually affordable to live on your own in a major city.
You’ve reached a point where your close friends are now like your siblings. You can’t just live with your siblings forever.
Plus, it’s hard to get out of the college mentality when every day of your adult life is basically dorm life all over again.
2. That getting a job right out of college wasn’t so much of a tournament to the death.
Wanting a job shouldn’t mean that everyone else who wants that job and doesn’t get it has to live in sadness and poverty.
3. That internet dating was as easy as the match.com commercials make it look like.
Can we all agree that the only thing the internet does is make it much easier for us all to murder each other?
4. That you weren’t still so bad at the thing you really want to do in life.
The worst feeling in the world is wanting to be good at something and knowing that you just aren’t there yet.
You know what’s fun? When that feeling lasts for an ENTIRE DECADE.
5. That you don’t have to constantly worry about everything you put on the internet.
The reality is that having a career now very often means having a positive social media presence. And it isn’t easy to strike a balance between “Yes I am a real person who people like,” and “Yes, I am a person who has a real drinking problem.”
6. That everything you do in your career right now didn’t matter so much.
Do one really annoying thing now around the wrong person, and suddenly you’re “Dave the smelly guy” whenever anyone new asks about who you are.
7. That your first job will definitely be related to your actual career.
8. That it didn’t cost so much to hunt for and keep a job.
Can’t we all just agree that it’s OK to wear old t-shirts to job interviews and work? If we all agree, then it’ll be OK.
9. That it wasn’t so important to go out and make lots and lots of friends in order to advance your career.
I want to jump to the part where I can just get work based on my reputation.
10. That you actually had something impressive to tell your parents whenever they call.
it’s like you’re married to disappointment, and each time you phone home to your parents, you get to renew your vows.
11. That there wasn’t so much pressure to be the first to accomplish everything.
Facebook wasn’t even the first social network, so there, mom.
12. That you could afford quality clothes that will last a long time, and not having to depend on cheap crap from H&M and Forever 21.
This cat is just as disappointed as you are that your new Forever 21 sweater has already fallen apart in the wash.
13. Things that happen in text messages didn’t affect your real life so much.
Why did we all agree to have a written record of every stupid thing we ever say? WHY DID WE DECIDE TO DO THAT?!
14. That everybody waited to get married and have babies until their thirties.
Seriously, overachievers, you’re making the rest of us look really bad.
15. That if you meet the right person, you will both actually be ready to have a relationship.
It’s hard enough to be single at the same time as something else. What’s harder is trying to not be stupid at the same time as someone else.
16. That once you figure out what to do with your life, it won’t change to something else.
This is the age when changing your mind about your career starts to get really, really expensive.
17. That you could make new friends without hurting the old ones.
Your twenties are still a time when it’s a federal crime to drift away from any of your friends. If we wanted to be friends with all the same people for the rest of our lives, we would have stayed in high school.