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Seeing Your Ex Over Christmas Break: Expectation Vs. Reality

Because we all know things are gonna get ugly.

1. Unless you’re a hermit, chances are you’re going to see your ex this Christmas break. And while the expectation is that you’d walk in looking this this…

CBS / Via tumblr.com

[Disclaimer: If you look like this, then the rest of this post REALLY doesn’t apply to you.]

2. and his reaction would be this…

[Disclaimer: the only thing my ex and Ryan Reynolds have in common is that they’re both men…]

3. In reality, you’re most likely going to end up like this…

4. Expectation: When you find out your ex is coming home for break, you shrug it off. I mean, you’ve moved on right?

5. Reality: Wrong. You grab a friend and drive by his house like a total stalker.

6. Expectation: You head to the mall and find the perfect, classy outfit.

Show him what he’s missing, ladies!

7. Reality: You will inevitably buy something entirely too slutty and look like a hot mess.

8. Expectation: Before going out you decide to have a casual cocktail with your besties.

9. Reality: You face a bottle of wine. Or two.

10. Expectation: You strut into the bar with the fierceness of 100 Beyonces.

11. Reality: You make it three steps before eating sh*t entirely.

12. Expectation: You find and flirt with the hottest guy at the bar, ensuring your ex will be insanely jealous.

13. Reality: The guy you were flirting with looked more like this…

14. And you looked like this…

15. Expectation: You make sure to have only one or two drinks at the bar. No need to get sloppy!

Oh, and you look good doing it.

16. Reality: This.

18. Oh, and this.

19. Expectation: You and your friends are the center of attention on the dance floor…

20. Reality: YOU are the center of attention on the dance floor…

Your friends had the good sense to just walk away…

21. Expectation: You eventually make it over to your ex and have a pleasant and coherent chat.

22. Reality: You get entirely too emotional and say things you’re going to regret in the morning.

All hail drunk b**ches crying.

23. Expectation: You go home with a major hottie.

24. Reality: You go home alone and your ex wakes up to this call log…

27. So in sum ladies, let’s do less of this…

29. And more of this…

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