1. Unless you’re a hermit, chances are you’re going to see your ex this Christmas break. And while the expectation is that you’d walk in looking this this…
[Disclaimer: If you look like this, then the rest of this post REALLY doesn’t apply to you.]
2. and his reaction would be this…
[Disclaimer: the only thing my ex and Ryan Reynolds have in common is that they’re both men…]
4. Expectation: When you find out your ex is coming home for break, you shrug it off. I mean, you’ve moved on right?
5. Reality: Wrong. You grab a friend and drive by his house like a total stalker.
6. Expectation: You head to the mall and find the perfect, classy outfit.
Show him what he’s missing, ladies!
7. Reality: You will inevitably buy something entirely too slutty and look like a hot mess.
8. Expectation: Before going out you decide to have a casual cocktail with your besties.
10. Expectation: You strut into the bar with the fierceness of 100 Beyonces.
12. Expectation: You find and flirt with the hottest guy at the bar, ensuring your ex will be insanely jealous.
13. Reality: The guy you were flirting with looked more like this…
15. Expectation: You make sure to have only one or two drinks at the bar. No need to get sloppy!
Oh, and you look good doing it.
16. Reality: This.
19. Expectation: You and your friends are the center of attention on the dance floor…
20. Reality: YOU are the center of attention on the dance floor…
Your friends had the good sense to just walk away…
21. Expectation: You eventually make it over to your ex and have a pleasant and coherent chat.
22. Reality: You get entirely too emotional and say things you’re going to regret in the morning.
All hail drunk b**ches crying.
24. Reality: You go home alone and your ex wakes up to this call log…
- President Obama addressed the 54-member African Union, a first for a sitting U.S. president. The speech marks the end of his historic five-day trip to East Africa.
- The Boy Scouts of America has ended its ban on gay leaders, two years after lifting a ban on gay youth members.
- Boston is no longer pursuing a bid to host the 2024 summer Olympics.
- The Arizona Cardinals have hired the NFL's first female coach.