3. That time he was like, “I’m the prettiest princess of all.”
4. That time Coulson was very concerned for your health.
5. That time he was like, “Iron Man is a less hot version of me.”
6. That time he emerged from the shadows like a dark and beautiful queen.
7. That time when he said, “Not today, or ever actually cause I’m a robot,” to the God of Death By Van Door.
8. That time Coulson literally sassed Fitz into increased productivity.
9. That time he simulatneously told Maria Hill she was shit at Pictionary while telling Ward he needs better people skills.
10. That time destructive gravitational force didn’t merit anything more than a pithy one liner.
11. That time he actually sassed his aging process into reversing.
Or he’s a robot that will never grow old and die.