1. Money isn’t important, especially if you’re a human that gets paid in dog treats.
2. Definitely put your dick in anything you’d put in your mouth.
3. The best way to make friends is by talking to strangers on the internet.
5. Porn is always the easiest excuse to use on your parents.
8. Threatening to kill yourself is the best way to get people to do things for you.
12. Violence will solve your problems. Better yet, fratricide by whale.
13. Definitely allow peer pressure to push you into doing things you don’t understand.
16. Don’t be afraid to ask about genitals. People love talking about their genitals.
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