1. Ann has split her personality in two, and those two halves have started dating.
Ann, on a personal quest to find herself and separate herself from her ex-boyfriend’s personalities, has started taking herself on dates. Oatmeal Ann does and likes what normal Ann likes, and Catfish Ann tries something she’s never tried when they’re out on a date.
3. And the two Anns are ready for the next big step in their relationship: children.
Ann decides she wants to be a mom and doesn’t need a partner to do it. Leslie, shocked that a kind, sweet, incredibly sexy musk ox/tropical fish/unicorn hybrid like Ann would do this solo, decides that it’s because her best friend has given up on love. And that it’s a huge mistake.
5. Meanwhile, Ben brings Ron, Tom, and Chris to help him pick a caterer for his wedding.
And ultimately picks the one that offered a savory pastry, a delicate little dough pocket filled with tomato sauce, cheese, and seasoned meat. Truly a stunning culinary innovation.
7. Over at the sperm bank, Leslie and Ann have some difficulties finding a good specimen.
Reminder: Sewage Joe is called Sewage Joe. He was fired for emailing dick pics. And sperm donating is the best job he’s ever had. Free money, free porn.
9. April has to lead a weeklong public forum with the Pawnee community.
And decides the best way to get through it is to do her Leslie impersonation. Starting with the suits. In which she finds a ticket stub from a Fleetwood Mac concert and a Sweetums condom.
12. Ron, Chris, and Ben all get food poisoning.
They try to call Tom to see if he’s alive.
14. Over at the public forum, April’s Leslie tactic isn’t getting the desired results.
It degenerates into topless park debate fairly quickly, with a side of inappropriate overtures. April only ends up getting four signatures for the day.
16. Meanwhile, Ann interviews her former boyfriends for a more personalized baby daddy experience.
Leslie, while trying to convince her to wait for the perfect partner, inadvertently convinces her that she should dig through her reject pile. Dr. Harris is still a douche, the basketball star is surprisingly astute, and The Douche is…the winner?
Apparently he’s secretly wildly intelligent and sensitive, and actually wants kids. But he’s been playing the character of The Douche so long that it’s become one with him and only he knows where Howard ends and The Douche begins.
18. Tom, that traitorous bastard, is fine.
And sleuths out the source of the food poisoning.
20. Leslie, meanwhile, tries to talk The Douche out of a decision Ann has already made.
She tells why Ann was actually interviewing him, and he responds so positively that Leslie is terrified. That’s nothing compared to the next morning, however, when The Douche talks about Ann on the radio to the entire town of Pawnee.
Ann makes it clear that her vision of a family isn’t the same as Leslie’s. Accept it.
22. After the calzone incident, the boys start hunting for new catering company ideas.
Ben proves to be the sweetest, greatest, kindest, sexy, elf king-like boyfriend ever. Who’s excited for JJ’s waffles at Leslie’s wedding?
24. Leslie heads over to the radio station to make things right.
The Douche says he’ll stop talking about Ann on the radio if Leslie stands in the Jell-O pit and says “Rudy.” Cause The Cosby Show. Classic.
26. And after Andy forgets her Leslie suit, April decides to run the forum as herself.
Smart and hot and mean. She shuts down the topless park idea and gets all the signatures she needs for the Pawnee Commons. And then burns the Leslie suit in victory.
28. These two best friends forever finally get back on the same color-coded page.
Ann admits that Leslie might be right, and she might have been rushing into things. She’s going to take her time on this one — with her best friend’s help, of course.