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23 Reasons To Fear Oprah

BEEEEESSSSSSSSSS.

1. Because of her battlecry face.

2. Because she haunts young women.

3. Because she has the power to shapeshift. And uses it to hang out in a fictional realm.

4. Because she lured Ellen into a LIFE SIZED GINGERBREAD HOUSE ONCE.

5. Because she laughs while drinking the blood of her enemies.

6. Because she appeared on this woman’s pillow like Jesus on toast.

7. Because she has a room full of mannequin heads.

9. Because this is how she stays young.

10. Because her teeth are retractable.

11. Because this only tickled.

12. Because she stores her insides on a child’s toy.

13. Because her body is actually made from bubbles.

14. Because there’s a strong possibility that she’s an Egyptian pharaoh.

15. Because she THROWS HERSELF DOWN MOUNTAINS STRAPPED TO TWO MEASLY PLANKS OF WOOD.

16. Because she commits 1000% to dealing with it.

It being your dead body.

17. Because she has a double made of wax.

18. Because she doesn’t need hands to rule her vast empire.

19. Because she can wear white cowboy hats in four feet of snow.

Actually breaking the laws of nature.

20. Because her side-eye has the power of a thousand disappointed moms.

21. Because she has a minion JUST for labeling food in her fridge.

22. Because she “plants trees” a lot.

How many bodies has she really buried?

23. Because she controls all the bees.

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