Hi hello, welcome to Night Vale, your new fanatic obsession.
1. The town of Night Vale is insanely weird and wonderful and most importantly way better than stupid neighboring Desert Bluffs.
Night Vale is a town filled with tons of unexplained phenomena: rips in space/time through which pterodactyls emerge, black angels who change lightbulbs for old women, secret government agencies that are pretty terrible at espionage, a five-headed dragon who is running for mayor, and of course a dog park that’s not for dogs. Sometimes Wednesdays get canceled due to scheduling errors.
Talking about most of this stuff will land a Night Vale citizen in re-education programming, but our hero Cecil Baldwin is no mere mortal citizen.
2. This is Cecil Baldwin, the voice of Night Vale Radio.
He’s our narrator and intrepid radio host of Night Vale Community Radio. We don’t know exactly what he looks like but fandom tends to draw him with an epic all-seeing third eye, moving tattoos, and, on occasion, some friendly tentacles. He’s always dapper though. The best thing about Cecil? He basically only has has two modes: TEENAGE FANGIRL!!1! (especially when it comes to crushes and levitating kitties) and here are today’s quiet contemplations of the twilight zone that is the very essence of Night Vale.
3. He’s even willing to incur the wrath of NVCR Management to bring you the news.
To clarify, no one talks about management. No one’s ever seen management. Management is a mysterious creature whose office can’t possibly physically exist in this realm and only communicates through letters slid under the door. Do not piss them off or you will be assimilated.
Other things you should NOT talk to or about: the hooded figures that only sometimes steal babies, the Shape in the Park, any angels that might attend community meetings, the Glow Cloud, the men who definitely aren’t from vague yet menacing government agencies, and…
4. Night Vale has a newly opened Dog Park. DO NOT GO IN THE DOG PARK.
It is not meant for dogs. Or humans. Only for the mysterious hooded figures and those poor babies who might actually become the hooded figures we all know and fear and don’t talk to. They are welcomed once a year though, and have annual celebratory parade for their… species? Spectral Plane Independence Day? Love of hooded robes? Regardless if you try to speak to them you will only get static.
5. Cecil’s in love with a perfectly coiffed man of science named Carlos.
Yes that’s right, the main love story on Welcome to Night Vale is of two beautiful gay men, one of whom is canonically a person of color. He sciences, scientifically, with a team of scientists next to Big Rico’s (THE BEST AND ONLY PLACE TO GET A SLICE OF PIZZA) and though confused by Cecil’s immediate infatuation for him, is ultimately as charmed as we are. The most important thing to know about Carlos is that he is perfect, his hair is perfect, and if Telly the Barber wants to continue his pathetic existence he will never go near Carlos’ perfect beautiful hair ever again.
[Ed.: If it sweetens the pot, our headcannon for him is basically Mark Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner.]
6. But Cecil’s not all sweet; he’ll call you a bitch if you act like a bitch.
There’s a white dude who calls himself the Apache Tracker and uses Indian Magiks to solve mysteries in Night Vale — what an asshole. Cecil’s greatest service as the NVCR host is to keep citizens aware his most current douchery so he may be appropriately shunned. Personally we think he should be given to the hooded figures in the Dog Park.
7. Despite a few exceptions however, Night Vale is very much an all inclusive town for both corporeal and non-corporeal forms alike.
Please note that while most interns die in service of NVCR, intern Dana is not only a survivor but she’s also brave enough to go to the Dog Park and make friends with the “man” in the tan jacket.
8. THE WEATHER REPORTS!!!
Are all musical. Every single one of them. Please enjoy these earpops courtesy of NVCR.
9. And most importantly the show has great insight into your life, even if you’re already slightly dead.
10. Because in all honesty: Not everyone makes it out alive.
And that’s kinda half the fun.
- Dylann Roof has been formally charged with nine counts of murder for the Charleston church shooting last month.
- Britain marks 10 years since 52 people were killed in terrorist attacks in London.
- Authorities reportedly raided the Indiana home of Jared Fogle, the face of many Subway sandwich advertisements.