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    59 Thoughts Everyone Has At Dunkin' Donuts

    God, how long have I been in here?

    1. GIVE ME COFFEE OR GIVE ME DEATH.

    2. Preferably coffee, though.

    3. Thank god there's a Dunkin' Donuts located every four feet.

    4. Should I go through the drive-thru?

    5. OH HELL NO LOOK AT THAT DRIVE-THRU LINE.

    6. I'm not trying to live at this Dunkin' Donuts, thanks though.

    7. OK. I'm just going to park and go inside.

    8. Why is there always coffee poured on the ground in the parking lot?

    9. Maybe someone got to their car and just decided, "Fuck this."

    10. Oh, that new Oreo frappe looks good.

    11. I mean, it looks like I will want to lie in the fetal position for the rest of the day — but good nonetheless.

    12. Should I get it?

    13. Nah.

    14. Ooh! Cookie dough flavor...

    15. Should I get it?

    16. Nah.

    17. But, maybe...

    18. Nah.

    19. OK, I'm just going to get a medium iced coffee.

    20. My normal order.

    21. Should I get food?

    22. I'm not hungry now...but I will be later.

    23. Yeah, I'm going to get something.

    24. I'll get a chocolate chip muffin.

    25. Oh no. There's only one left.

    26. And there's four people in front of me in line.

    27. I don't like those odds.

    28. What's my backup gonna be?

    29. I'll do a Wake-Up Wrap.

    30. Though I always need like four of those to actually fill me up.

    31. WHY DOES IT MATTER THOUGH BECAUSE I'M NOT HUNGRY.

    32. OK. I'll do the chocolate chip muffin or two Wake-Up Wraps.

    33. There we go. Decision made.

    34. I feel like that sign for that Oreo frappe is just taunting me.

    35. DON'T DO IT. STICK WITH THE PLAN.

    36. Oh, there's a new egg sandwich on a pretzel roll...

    37. I mean, sounds kinda amazing in a disgusting way.

    38. Should I get that?

    39. NO. STICK. TO. THE. PLAN.

    40. One more person in line. My muffin is still there.

    41. I might have a chance of winning this thing.

    42. What's it gonna be, schoolteacher-on-her-way-to-work, what's it gonna be...?

    43. NOOOOOOOOO. SHE GOT THE MUFFIN.

    44. That's OK. That's OK. Don't panic.

    45. That doughnut looks good, though.

    46. What is that? Like a strawberry glazed cheesecake doughnut?

    47. But it's 7:00 a.m. — that might not be how I want to start my day.

    48. OK, I'm going with the two Wake-Up Wraps.

    49. Order placed. Medium coffee and two Wake-Up Wraps.

    50. I feel good about this.

    51. I mean, I'm still thinking about that doughnut and Oreo frappe...

    52. But overall, I'm feeling good.

    53. God, how long have I been in here?

    54. Yesssss. Coffee finally.

    55. ARGH. I JUST TOOK THE DREADED BOTTOM-OF-THE-CUP SUGAR-SIP.

    56. I hated it. But I also kinda loved it.

    57. All right. I really could live in this place.

    58. Time to GTFO and go to work.

    59. ARE THEY SERIOUSLY REFILLING THE CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS NOW?