1. I'm feeling a little bit sick.
2. Uber is at surge pricing right now.
3. I have to get to work early tomorrow. Yeah... on Saturday.
4. I had a really long day at work, I'm exhausted.
5. That bar is way too expensive.
6. I just really don't want to be hungover tomorrow.
7. It's way too cold to go out.
8. It's way too hot to go out.
9. I'm trying to be healthy right now.
10. Didn't we go out last weekend... like, isn't that enough?
11. I'm bloated.
12. I'm constipated.
13. I'm just not feeling sexy this week.
14. I'm really into Gone Girl right now.
15. I'm really into War and Peace right now.
16. Can we ~not~ go out and say we did?
17. They put all of Gilmore Girls on Netflix.
18. I don't have anything to wear.
19. No seriously, all of my clothes were stolen from the laundry machine. I'm totally naked right now.
20. I got bit by a rabid dog. I need to go to the hospital... get that shot...
21. I started a Twitter controversy and I'm avoiding the limelight right now.
22. I hear sirens so I shouldn't go out 'cause who KNOWS what that means.
23. I got one of those fancy manicures and my nails are still drying so...
24. I've developed a rare and highly contagious rash. It's invisible.
25. I left the country for the weekend. Be back Monday. Don't try calling me.
26. I'm really enjoying the way my butt feels on the couch right now.
27. My dog ate chocolate.
28. I know I don't have a dog. I'm... dog sitting.
29. I found a baby on my doorstep and I have to raise it into a responsible adult.
30. I'm too attractive and I'm tired of being hit on. Let me be beautiful in peace.
31. I'm having a whirlwind love affair in my apartment right now. We haven't left in days. We're playing naked table tennis and listening to Fleet Foxes.
32. My cat is throwing up. I need to take care of him.
33. Honestly, I just don't want to put pants on.
34. I'd rather be asleep.
35. I'd rather be asleep and naked.
36. I feel like I've reached my social interaction quota for the week.
37. I have to Skype with my alien overlord tonight. He keeps weird hours.
38. Have you SEEN that show where they reveal the germs on bar nuts?
39. I saw this crazy 60 Minutes segment about terrorism and I'm trying to minimize situations where I leave my house.
40. My last Uber driver was really creepy...
41. Did you hear about the Uber driver who killed someone...
42. Kim Kardashian posted a new picture of her butt.
43. Things are happening on the internet. Sorry, can't go out.