1. COOL. I got five messages since last time. Feeling pretty fly.
2. God, they’re all disgusting.
3. You want to do what to my what?!? EW!
4. OMG, delete. Next.
5. Wait a minute, I’ve read this one before.
6. I should block this account.
7. Is this a real person? Maybe it’s a spambot.
8. I wonder if I can get a date in time for tonight?
9. Nah, it’s too soon. I don’t want to send the wrong message.
10. Let’s see if any babes visited my profile.
11. Oh, hey, nice smile.
12. Hm…what do I know about zodiac sign compatibility?
13. Height. *Quick mental math.*
14. Wow, that first photo is deceiving.
15. Standard photo on a mountain/in front of a monument/on a beach.
16. These percentages must count for something right?
17. C’mon now, can’t you post more than one picture?
18. Nope. Nope. Nope.
19. I wonder how many people on here are sociopaths?
20. Naked body!! AHH! Next! Next!
21. These selfies are very MySpace circa 2004. Next.
22. Why do some people cut off their faces in profile pictures? If you’re ashamed to be here, don’t be here.
23. I hope I don’t get catfished.
24. StudmuffinMcFinanceJock just checked me out. Horrible screen name. Christ.
25. What is this? An essay? TL; DR. No, thanks.
26. OMG I HATE EVERYTHING!! I’LL BE ALONE FOREVERRRRRR…
27. Where’s my ice cream?
28. Oh, hey there, cutie.
29. Let’s check out the personality profile. More literary, more kind. Good, good.
30. Great reading list/movie list.
31. Self-deprecating humor. +1.
32. Grammatical errors. -1.
33. Eek, user is online.
34. PUPPY! *Click*
35. LIES! It’s someone else’s! Don’t use other people’s puppies as clickbait!
36. Aw, a pic with the family. Mom looks nice.
37. Ugh, looking for casual sex. Next.
38. Wait, why is this picture with another girl?
39. Oh, that’s the sister.
40. Maybe if I just browse through these profiles, they’ll see, and someone will send me a message.
41. HOLD UP. Who’s THIS?!
42. Damn, 600 questions answered?
43. Someone has a lot of time.
44. Lalala, jumping straight to unacceptable answers.
45. Ugh, I disagree.
46. Eh, I guess I could accept that.
47. Eek, (insert username here) just checked out my profile.
48. Um…..should I message first or should I wait?
49. Fuck it. I’ll just go for it.
50. ShitShitShitShitShit. Can I unsend??
51. If I say yes to late drinks, it doesn’t mean I’ll put out.
52. Coffee dates are always safe.
53. Dinner?! Wow, this person must really like me.
54. Takes initiative planning the date. +1.
55. When is it too soon to send a Facebook friend request?
56. Full name acquired. Now googling.