1. Holding up the whole table for food photos.
Eh, we all flaunt our food sometimes. Use your discretion. Your camera shouldn’t turn heads.
2. Correcting other people’s pronunciation of foreign cuisine.
“It’s, um, pronounced cccccccrêpe?” [Phlegmy throat noises]
3. Writing Yelp reviews with world-travel humblebrags.
“My girlfriend and I had real bisque while traveling in Hokkaido/Sicily/Chiang Mai/Barcelona… TWO STARS!”
5. Judging restaurants by their trendiness.
Does food taste worse when it’s out of fashion?
6. Insisting that everyone goes to the sketchy, ‘authentic’ ethnic restaurant.
To my friend Tommy who I lured into a food poisoning: I’m so, so sorry.
7. Facebook check-ins at expensive restaurants.
We’re noshing on limp pizza and we have to see your $500-per-head omakase meal too? Hecka conspicuous consumption, man.
8. Insisting on dragging poorer friends to up-market eateries.
9. Ordering for the whole table without asking others.
10. Summer #LobsterRolls on Instagram
I know it’s summer, but did you get me a lobster roll too? No? You didn’t? Then I don’t want to see this.
12. Having loud pro/anti-vegan opinions.
Live and let live, yall. As long as they’re not intruding on your choices, let people have their food habits in peace.
13. Assuming gluten-free diet is just a fad.
Some of us have Celiac’s and it legitimately blows :(.
14. Bandwagonning on food trends.
As a Taiwanese person, I’m so relieved that Taiwanese food is not trendy.
15. Using the f-word to describe themselves.
16. Bravely snarking on Olive Garden/Red Lobster/Applebee’s.
Next you’re gonna bravely inform me that you don’t listen to Nickelback or something.
On the other hand: If you cook your own awesome meals, I kind of want to date you?
Being enthusiastic about food (just like geeking out about anything) is a wondrous thing. Be a geek, not a snob.