1. Bushmaster Firearms
Do you enjoy mowing down tiny rodents with our best technology? Well are you a man or not!? We accept all major credit cards.
2. Powerful Yogurt
Greek, Indian, Russian and Middle Eastern dudes demand to have this brogurt instead of whatever the hell they’ve been eating forever. Now they will only eat grenade-flavored American yogurt in metal crates.
4. Moosehead Beer
Dudes should be proud of not knowing more than two words. We accept all major credit cards.
5. Billy Tea
“True story, I’m a bruh,” says 18th Century man withering from consumption on an East India Company barge. Immediately afterwards he dies.
6. Molson Beer
This ended well for Jay Gatsby. If real guys didn’t believe in this garbage, though, the whole “ultra lounge” industry in financial districts everywhere would go out of business.
7. Got Milk?
Women, amirite? *puts on moist fedora* We accept all major credit cards.
10. Miller Lite
“Nectar” spelled in spooky ghost-font.
11. Jim Beam
There are folks who want their groceries to tell them they’re a man’s man. They sometimes sob to sleep in Jeeps listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd.
12. Edge Men body spray
If you don’t buy Edge Man body spray, so help me god, I will rate your ding-dong 2 stars on Yelp.
13. Canadian Club Whiskey
That’s true. Our dads wear mom jeans and JNCOs :/.
15. MUSCLE MILKKK!!!! *cars explode*
16. McCoy’s Man Crisps
17. Dr Pepper Ten
If anyone around you really cares about how gender-appropriate your diet or not-diet sodas are, please get new friends.
H/T the Gender Ads Project.
More lessons on how not to learn manhood from advertising at Dear Coquette (trust me, it’s a hilarious read).