1. You cry a little bit at any commercial featuring an old couple holding hands, children smiling, or American flags.
Patriotism has become like your thing. You have have American flag underwear with George Bush’s face plastered over “Ground Zero”.
2. You LOVE singing about Jesus despite the fact that you are Jewish.
Your mother hates you now.
3. You’re confused by any concert where the main act isn’t totally shit faced and the entire crowd isn’t double fisting foot long margaritas and 40s.
You mean you can only purchase two at once? What kind of nonsense is this? Can I at least get my fried chicken in a bucket? Yeesh.
4. You have wonderful memories of your high school boyfriend picking you up in his truck even though he drove a Prius.
This is the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen.
5. You think everything goes with cowboy boots.
I mean, obviously THAT does.
6. Blake Shelton’s Twitter is your news.
You HAVE to stay informed.
7. You totally miss rural towns where grass is everywhere, roads are dirt, and you can ride a bike without getting run over by a semi.
And then you get to one. And its terrifying.
8. You can’t stop singing “Time to Get a Gun” (Miranda Lambert) in the shower and you’re reexamining your entire belief system.
Doesn’t that look like fun?