1. Expectation: You’ll be Super Happy and Fulfilled
It’s gonna be, like, totes awesome. Like, you’re going to ooze joy because you are gainfully employed.
2. Reality: You Measure Happiness by the Number of PTO Days You Have Left
And the realization sets in that you will never do anything fun ever again.
3. Expectation: You’ll Be an Efficient, Talented Superstar
Everything you do is gonna fricken blow people away. They’ve never seen anything like you!
4. Reality: Nothing Ever Works
Your abilities are totally irrelevant to your level of success. And its slowly driving you crazy.
5. Expectation: You are Going to Have The Coolest Desk Ever
Yeah, your just that baller (haha, get it?).
6. Reality: You Are Really Starting to Like Cats
This is your calendar.
7. Expectation: Health Benefits are Going to be Awesome
No more ridiculous medical bills or having awkward conversations with Mom and Dad about why you had to have herpes testing done again.
8. Reality: You Have a $3,000 Deducible and Despair
Wait, why do I need insurance again?
9. Expectation: You’re Going to Have Awesome Work Outings
You are going to be the master of happy hour.
10. Reality: Grim, Grim Gatherings
This “party” is possibly the most devastating experience of your life.
12. Reality: You Get Excited over New K-Cups
Otherwise known as the Devil’s coffee.
13. Expectation: You’re Going to Keep Sexy Shoes in Your Desk
That’s right… I’m HAWT.
14. Reality: You Don’t Care. At All.
Depression has sunk in.
15. Expectation: You Are Going to Take Advantage of After Work Hours and Get Outside!
16. Reality: You’ve Become Fluorescent from Lack of Light
Like, light literally bounces off you from all the pasty.
17. Expectation: You are Going to be Friends with All Your Coworkers
These are your PEOPLE.
19. Expectation: You’ll Be a Fascinating Conversationalist in the Real World
You’re gonna be like, cultured and shit.
20. Reality: You Discuss Retirement Plans while Drinking
21. Expectation: You and Your Boss will be Besties