One time my friend put his dick in me and just kind of flopped on top of me until he came. He then proceeded to roll over and fall asleep. I got up and sat in a recliner and drank a beer while I stared into the distance and contemplated my life.
My first time. Boyfriend was a virgin too. It was in a field at night. Freezing cold. He put it in, no foreplay and I wasn’t turned on at all. It hurt horribly and didn’t get any better. Cue about four minutes of “is this really all it is?” Followed by him finishing. I think we just laid there for a few minutes before he got hard again. He begged me to jack him off. It got on my foot. Snuck back in my house and cried myself to sleep. 1/10.
The first blow job I ever gave was an hour long. Why he didn’t stop me sooner I don’t know, I was a naive clueless virgin back then… Anyways, being on my knees for an hour long caused my legs to go completely numb and faceplant right into the wall.
He insisted on biting my clit during oral. Not just once, he kept doing it even after I told (well, screamed at) him to stop. I had to literally shove his head away from my poor bleeding vagina. Then he was pissed that I didn’t want to keep going and didn’t want to have sex anymore. He told me that I actually liked it and was being a bitch, because his previous girlfriend liked having her clit bitten during oral. He kept trying to guilt trip me into having sex with him while I had an ice pack on my vag.
And no, he wouldn’t leave when I told him to. He didn’t force himself on me or anything like that afterwards, he just sat around and pouted for the rest of the night and called me an ungrateful prude while telling me all about his wonderful ex.
Was giving this really attractive, well-endowed guy a blow job this one time. As he nears climax, he says, “Am I… Am… Yes.. YES! I’m cumming! I AM THE FUCKING CHAMPION.”
And then he proceeded to just sort of lay there, eyes closed, randomly shaking every few seconds. I said his name a few times and he was just blacked out, or something. I was so embarrassed.
This guy I worked with was always bragging about how good he was and how big his dick was. We were getting naked and no joke, it was maybe 2 inches fully erect.
To top it off, he broke down crying because he apparently had a girlfriend and couldn’t believe he just cheated on her… I ended up having to call her to come get him.
He tried to use metal kitchenware as a sex toy (unbeknownst to me) = scratched & bleeding lady parts = him crying on the couch naked and me fleeing down the street minus my dignity.
I hooked up with a guy who had bragged to a group of people what a stud he was in bed. Turns out, not so much. Couldn’t find my clitoris (rubbed the hell out of my urethra, though), kept awkwardly pulling back too far and slipping out of me, finished fast. That’s 60 seconds of my life I’m never getting back.
Guy asked for a boob job then proceeded to fuck my tits until he was done. It was really uncomfortable, and he kept asking if I liked it. No, I don’t like you rubbing your dick between my flabs of flesh.
Then he finished jerking himself into an empty dresser. Really weird.
I was 16 and in a relationship with another woman at the time. Was wearing a vibrating strap on, fucking my GF doggie style. We kept edging closer to the end of the bed and she kept saying to go harder go harder, so I’m slamming it and I guess I thrusted too hard and her elbows slipped out from under her and next thing I know she smashes her face into the edge of the headboard (it was one of those Ikea Malm ones with super sharp corners) then goes rolling off the bed head first and is in a naked fuckpile on my bedroom floor not answering me.
So I panic thinking I fucking killed her or something and immediately go running thru the house naked at 3 am, burst open my moms door wearing nothing but a strap on dildo that’s still vibrating, yelling MOM! MOMHELP.
She shoots up out of bed like a deer in headlights asking me what the fuck is the matter with me and runs into my bedroom with me (mind you she’s in nothing but mom pannies) and by the time we both run back in there my GF is back awake, sitting naked on my bedroom floor just staring back at my panicked mother in underpants and me with my cock still all BZZZBBZZZBZZBZZZZZZZ.
I think it was the second time that we had sex, it was really only him having sex because he didn’t actually get in. Pretty much instead of going inside of me, he essentially just slid the cocktail weenie back and forth back and forth in the bun…if that helps.
He did the ohhhh ohhh I’m almost there, then I realized that he thought he was in and I started making noise to make him think that I was getting off and that was it. The next time after that, I made sure he was in. I still couldn’t feel it.
I had really drunk fumbly sex with some random frat boy. It was like being humped by a half-erect yorkie terrier. Of course neither of us finished.
Afterward, he was so drunk, he went out to talk to his roommates. Naked. With the condom still on his dick. Roommate oh so charmingly yelled, “Do I get a turn next bro?!”
He jumps up, naked, and flips on the lights. And points to his flaccid penis and gestures ¯(ツ)/¯ like he’s the announcer at the circus and says, “And here, ladies and gentleman, is the star of the show!”
- Britain marks 10 years since 52 people were killed in terrorist attacks in London.