1. Statuses about your workout and/or schedule for the day
Not only do I not care that you worked out today, I also don’t appreciate the reminder that I didn’t! Do everyone a favor and keep these updates contained to the text conversation between you and your mom.
2. Snapchats of just your face
Use Snapchat to send something clever! (See above). NOT to obstruct half your face with a glass of red wine and the caption “Monday”. Not only are you the third person to send that to me, you’re also the third person I blocked on Snapchat today.
3. Obvious or irrelevant tweets
Oh it’s snowing out? It’s raining? That sports team won that sports thing? Thank you for letting me know tweeple!
4. Netflix asking if you want to “continue watching”
Yes, I’ve been binge watching “The Killing” for 24 hours. Yes, I want to watch for another 24. PLEASE STOP JUDGING.
5. Posting statuses in honor of people who will never see them
“Happy 50th anniversary to my amazing grandparents! You two are truly an inspiration to me, and to couples everywhere. I just pray one day I can find someone who makes me as happy as you make each other!” Except neither of your grandparents have a Facebook. So how about you pull out a pen and piece of paper and let them know how you feel the old-fashioned way.
6. Vines featuring Macklemore
“When I was in the third grade”… I thought that I was funny, then I made another Macklemore vine, and realized that I wasn’t.
7. Editing pictures beyond recognition
Honey, that’s not your real skin tone, and it’s a little more than obvious you went cuckoo with the retouch feature. It’s better to go natural than digitized, trust me.
8. Rave attire
“I know these glasses don’t have lenses, but they really help me see better! …Especially when I’m on drugs.”
9. Unfollowing people because they don’t follow you
If you think someone is interesting, follow them. If they don’t follow you back, don’t sweat it. The amount of people “following” you doesn’t make you smarter, prettier, or a better person. Enjoy the privacy.
10. Tinder as a way to actually meet someone
The messages I’ve received on here have ranged from PG to XXX, but regardless the app has turned to a hook-up site with creepy guys trolling for desperate girls. If you’re looking for something more serious I’d get your ass on Match.com, or even better, Jdate. Can you say NJB?!
11. Instagramming multiple pictures from one event
Wow cool you saw a beautiful sunset on the beach! Oh wait, here’s the sunset again from a different angle. Oh, now you’re pretending to hold the sun. Oh, one more of you kissing your significant other in front of the sunset… If I had wanted to see an album I would have gone to your Facebook.
12. Mass Facebook event invites
“Connor invited you and 10,000 others to his event.” You know what Connor, I hope all 10,000 people show up. THEN WHAT WOULD YOU DO. Also, how do I know you again? *Delete*
13. Birthday collages
First of all, if Kim Kardashian is doing it, you shouldn’t be. Girls use these as an excuse to post multiple pretty pictures of them at once; it has nothing to do with their friend’s birthday. Usually the collage is so busy I can barely see the pictures anyway. How about making them something they can hang on their wall instead of giving them a fleeting public moment on Instagram. My feed will thank you.
14. Not downloading Timehop
Timehop allows you to view your past social media activity so you can look back and be thankful that some of the things you used to do are dead and gone. “Ugh, am I making a duck face and throwing up the peace sign?”