The 5 Stages Of Accepting There Will Be No New Adele Album This Year

SAY IT AIN'T SO.

1. Denial

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NO. Adele said the album is coming out this year, it's coming out this year. END OF STORY.

2. Anger

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HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME?! I CAN'T EVEN. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY COPIES OF 21 HAVE BEEN PURCHASED SINCE IT WAS RELEASED IN 2011? 30 MILLION. OR, IN TODAY'S TERMS, BASICALLY A BAZILLION! AND AT LEAST A MILLION OF THOSE WERE ME, PROBABLY. AND HOW DOES SHE REPAY ME? BY HOLDING OUT FOR ANOTHER YEAR? SHE'S RICHER THAN GOD AND I'M DYING OF THIRST! THAT'S IT, I'M DONE.

3. Bargaining

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OK, maybe I was a little rash. I still love you, Adele! OF COURSE I DO. The scars of your love just have me thinking of us, is all. Maybe we can still get, like, an EP or something? A single? A cover?? Or, what if this is just a red herring?! What if 25 is coming this year and her label is just lying so we'll be surprised when it drops. You can't properly Beyoncé an album if your fans are sitting around waiting for it, after all.

4. Depression

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But, this news did come from XL Recordings' annual financial report, which is pretty official. You can lie to fans, but you can't lie to investors. SIGH. Her tweet teasing the album was probably premature. What will I even do with myself?? Sit around balling to Sam Smith for the rest of the year??? :'-(

5. Acceptance

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It's probably for the best, though, right? Adele's an artist not a product. Her output shouldn't be dictated by bullshit corporate calendars. If her album isn't ready, it's because she's still perfecting it. I'd rather have a perfectly exquisite Adele album a year from now (or two, or three, take your time girl!) than an incomplete one by the end of this year.

Fortunately, there's no one better to get us through this trying time than Miss Adkins herself.

Press play and let the tears fall freely.