What 18 Normal Things Look Like When You’re Hungover

Everything is so bright and ouch.

1. “Bummer, time to get up,” normal you says as your alarm clock rings.

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“OH SWEET LORD, MY EARS!!!!” hungover you screams, and smashes the noisemaking thing.

2. “Better check the weather before I get dressed,” normal you says, drawing back the curtains.

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“OH SWEET LORD, MY EYES!!!!” hungover you screams, ripping the curtains shut and weeping bitterly.

3. “Oh well, I can always check the weather on my phone,” normal you says.

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“OH SWEET LORD, MY EYES!!!!” hungover you shrieks, and throws the evil lightbox away.

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4. “Mmm, coffee sounds good,” says normal you.

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“GET AN IV, I NEED IT IN MY VEINS!!” hungover you yells at no one.

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5. “Ahh, time to hop in the shower,” normal you says.

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“Down the drain the vomit goes,” hungover you sings weakly, and pets the shower wall lovingly.

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6. “Guess I better put some clothes on,” normal you says, buttoning your shirt.

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“This is fine,” hungover you says, half naked.

7. “Time for breakfast,” normal you says, grabbing a box of cereal.

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“Time for a pillow,” hungover you says, grabbing a box of cereal.

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8. “Morning, kitty,” says normal you.

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“Morning, pillow,” hungover you says, fluffing the kitty.

9. “Ahh, the sweet smells of spring,” normal you says, inhaling as you walk out of your apartment.

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“It all smells like cheap vodka,” hungover you gags into the repulsive spring breeze.

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10. “Oh, excuse me,” normal you says as you accidentally bump into a stranger.

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“ASIDE, BIOLOGICAL OBSTACLE,” hungover you shouts.

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11. “Ugh, I hate it when the train is crowded,” normal you says with a sigh.

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“Where am I — what?” hungover you snorts, waking up on the train, three stops past your station.

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12. “Better hop on the escalator,” says normal you.

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“I’m fine, don’t help me, I’m fine,” hungover you says, flailing.

13. “There are the office bathrooms,” normal you says.

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“To the nap room!” hungover you says, falling asleep on a toilet.

14. “Oh, here comes my boss, better look busy,” normal you says, typing furiously.

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“Hello, fellow human,” hungover you mumbles, not realizing that you haven’t turned your computer on yet.

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15. “I better get this done before lunch,” normal you says, concentrating hard.

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“It all hurts, I’m. Good-bye, I did love you,” hungover you whispers to your computer screen.

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16. “I should really have a healthy lunch,” normal you says, and heads for the salad bar.

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“GIVE ME ALL THE GREASE!!” hungover you screams in the middle of your local deli, falling to your knees.

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17. “Oh, my mom is calling! Hi, mom!” says normal you.

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“Mom, my life is in pieces, mom,” hungover you says into the phone, not noticing that you never pushed the green “answer” button.

18. “Man, today is flying by,” says normal you.

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“It has to be close to 5 by now — HOW IS IT ONLY 1 P.M.?! I need a drink,” hungover you sighs, defeated.

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