1. You have no idea what most modern acronyms mean, and you don’t damn well care.
BAE? Like the body of water?
2. People often think you’re older than you actually are.
And you just nod sagely.
3. Partly because you’ve preferred the company of older people most of your life.
They just get you.
4. You really and truly believe parties would be better if they’d just turn down the damn music.
WE’RE ALL DOING IRREPARABLE DAMAGE TO OUR EARS.
5. You have no tolerance for people who show up to potlucks without a substantial dish.
Screw you and your half a bag of potato chips.
6. If it’s after 8:30pm, you’re not leaving your home for anything or anyone.
MY STORIES ARE ON.
8. You make an audible noise whenever you sit down on or get up from the couch.
9. You feel more affection for animals than people.
Come here, kittykitty. Go away, peoplepeople.
10. You’ve been described as an “old soul” more than once.
And it’s true every time.
11. You’re perpetually cold, and always in need of a cardigan or knitted blanket.
Someone better turn the heat on, OR WE’LL ALL CATCH OUR DEATHS.
12. Occasionally, if someone says something unpleasant, you pretend not to hear them.
13. You don’t feel the desire to needlessly “broaden your horizons,” you already know what you like and dislike.
My horizons are fine.
14. You don’t like people touching or using your things without permission.
Put that down, were you raised in a barn?
15. You’re a firm believer in comfort over style.
You’re not wearing a pair of glorified stilts all night, back problems are not a myth.
16. You’re not easily rattled, and don’t get worked up over little issues.
It’s just not worth the energy. Preserve your precious, limited energy.
17. Because you know that life is too short to take things too seriously.
Screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke.
18. But on the rare occasion when someone does manage to piss you off, you don’t mince words.
There’s just no time for that tomfoolery. NO TIME.
19. You’ve used the word “rambunctious” to describe someone you don’t like.
Just too much.
20. You think people should send fewer emails and write more damn letters.
It’s just more personal, enough with the screens.
21. You’re really into the idea of house slippers.
Or have already given in and bought a pair.
22. You’re the dorky dancer in your friend group. And proud of it.
Let’s do the YMCA to EVERY SONG!
23. When you spill food on yourself, you genuinely don’t care.
We’re all going to die anyway.