The Definitive Cycle Of Online Dating

Round and round it goes. Where does it stop? Ugh, I don’t know.

1. The Decision

That’s it: you’re over your ex, tired of being single, and ready for the online dating world!

2. The Choice

ABC / Via giphy.com

While you should choose a site based on success rate, you actually choose a site based on cost and effort needed for profile completion.

3. The Profile

The easy part is cropping, enhancing and filtering your photos so everyone sees the best you. The tough part is answering questions that make you think about who you are, who you’re looking for and what you want. What is this, therapy?

4. The Matches

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The dating site uses their complex, hyper-sensitive algorithm and sends you a list of people you matched with. You judge 75% of them by their photo and don’t even bother reading their profile. (Because, honestly, we already know that you enjoy Friday nights both at the club and staying in to watch a movie.)

5. The Messages

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You learn to quickly categorize your inbox into one of four categories: creeper, lazy, grammatical nightmare, and possibility. FYI: “Hey” shouldn’t even count as a message.

6. The Silent Rejection

You spend 10 minutes crafting the perfect message to someone who sounds like they could be “the one”. You can see they looked at your profile 30 minutes after you sent the message and yet, ten days later, no response.

7. The First Dates

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After exchanging a few messages, you set up first dates and you’re excited! Within the first ten minutes you know whether or not they’ll be a date #2…and if not, you’ll either grin and bear it or spend the rest of the night wishing you were home catching up on Orange is the New Black.

8. The Disconnect

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Sometimes, you wonder if the two of you were on the same date because you thought the first date went really well but they’re not interested in a second date. Or, you can’t believe they thought it went well and now you have to initiate the fade away sequence.

9. The Resignation

After multiple failed first dates, and a few failed third dates, you feel like you’ve reached the end of the profiles. You resign yourself to the fact that online dating didn’t work for you and you put a hold on your account.

10. The Thought

…that leads you to think “Hm, maybe I should try online dating again.” Please proceed to #1.

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