Why Kevin McCallister Is Not Your Average Kid

“Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?”

1. He grocery shops.

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2. He orders a cheese pizza all by himself.

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Even if it is through trickery.

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3. He decorates the entire house for Christmas.

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Yeah, he cut down that cute little tree and hung up everyone’s stockings. Because he’s a responsible ADULT.

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4. Kevin prepares a candlelight dinner.

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5. He cares about dental hygiene.

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What little kid gives a hoot about teeth? Only Kevin.

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6. He’s chock full of wisdom.

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7. He’s not too proud to admit when he’s wrong.

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Any other little kid would say they’re good just to get presents.

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8. Kevin rides in a limousine and drinks soda from a champagne glass.


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9. He’s not afraid to explore his sexual curiosities.

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10. He makes friends with people who aren’t his age.

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Pigeon Lady.

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Old Man Marley.

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11. He devises a master plan to protect his house, rather than just run away.

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12. Kevin’s responsible when it comes to eating and driving.

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13. He knows how to use a credit card.

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14. He uses aftershave.

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15. He’s the master of blackmail.

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16. Kevin outsmarts two grown men in the most outlandish ways possible.

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Merry Christmas Harry.

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Happy Hanukkah Marv.

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17. He watches mob movies that are certainly not suitable for children.

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Because he can handle Mo with the gimpy leg.

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Kevin McCallister, you coy son of a gun.

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