1. He grocery shops.
2. He orders a cheese pizza all by himself.
Even if it is through trickery.
3. He decorates the entire house for Christmas.
Yeah, he cut down that cute little tree and hung up everyone’s stockings. Because he’s a responsible ADULT.
4. Kevin prepares a candlelight dinner.
5. He cares about dental hygiene.
What little kid gives a hoot about teeth? Only Kevin.
6. He’s chock full of wisdom.
7. He’s not too proud to admit when he’s wrong.
Any other little kid would say they’re good just to get presents.
8. Kevin rides in a limousine and drinks soda from a champagne glass.
9. He’s not afraid to explore his sexual curiosities.
10. He makes friends with people who aren’t his age.
Old Man Marley.
11. He devises a master plan to protect his house, rather than just run away.
12. Kevin’s responsible when it comes to eating and driving.
13. He knows how to use a credit card.
14. He uses aftershave.
15. He’s the master of blackmail.
16. Kevin outsmarts two grown men in the most outlandish ways possible.
Merry Christmas Harry.
Happy Hanukkah Marv.
17. He watches mob movies that are certainly not suitable for children.
Because he can handle Mo with the gimpy leg.