1. Don’t change your appearance.
If you’re not comfortable putting on makeup, don’t feel forced to.
2. Drop subtle hints of affection.
Anything to get to the butt.
3. Practice your suave techniques at home.
It’s important to perfect the art of seduction.
4. Never limit your desire.
Take up as many men or zombies as you wish.
5. Self-confidence is essential.
Take pride in who you are.
6. Words are powerful. Use them wisely.
One wrong phrase can cost you the chance of touching a glorious butt.
7. Role playing can be exciting and adventurous.
Live out your erotic friend fiction fantasies.
8. Don’t stray away from sensual dances.
[Insert 1940s big band music]
9. Choose a butt you’ll never get tired of looking at.
This is extremely important.
10. Because that can be the butt of your life.
Butt. Butt. Butt. Butt. Butt. Butt. Butt. BUTT.
11. Don’t be afraid to pick up someone in a public place.
Movie theaters, grocery stores, Dunkin Donuts? The world is your playground.
12. And play the field a little.
There’s nothing wrong with a little zombie lovin’.
13. Turn on the Tina Belcher “charm bomb.”
It’s flawless in every way possible.
14. Always keep your eye on the prize.
Even if it means hiding in a small locker.
15. It’s important to remain positive.
A little enthusiasm never hurt anybody.
16. Never give up on the one you want.
Especially if you’ve put in countless fantasy hours.
17. Take a chance, even if you’re inexperienced in some areas.
It can turn out to be the greatest dare of your life.
19. Advertising is a good way to show off your awesome self.
Don’t stray from outlets like Tinder, OkCupid, or game shows.
20. Show your true colors, even if they’re a little harsh at times.
But support it with a compliment.
21. If someone rejects you, don’t let it bring you down.
Don’t let your heart poop its pants.
22. Just get back up and keep trying.
And kiss ALL the people.