You Know Who Else Hugged? Hitler, That’s Who

Ban hugs. Handshakes only.

Everyone thinks hugs are soooo great and if you don’t like hugging hello or goodbye you’re some kind of socially deficient monster.

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But hugging is a social minefield even for socially adept people.

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Can we all agree there is NOTHING worse than the hug or handshake moment of confusion?

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When you don’t see it coming and don’t have time to put your arms up

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Or when you go in for a hug but then the other person has their hand out

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Or that weird hug where both your arms go parallell instead of one over the shoulder:

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When you don’t know how hard you’re supposed to squeeze:

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You worry if you hug too hard they’ll think you’re trying to do one of these:

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But you don’t want to do:

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Or if you’re hugging a group of people goodbye but there’s one person you just met

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and GOD FORBID you have to hug someone you work with

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There is only one solution. BAN HUGS.

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No, Channing. Stay back. Hugs are banned.

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I suggest instead the much underused hand wave:

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Or even better, the classic Christian Side Hug:

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The Christian Side Hug is a suggestion from a religious group that young people should hug such that their genitals don’t touch. It spawned this actual real rap song:

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Ugh, it’s probably best to just never meet people in person and only stay on your computer.

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