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What It’s Like To Call The Cable Company

The descent into madness and the darkest reaches of the human mind.

1. So all of a sudden your internet goes out…

2. No biggie. You’ll just call the cable company.

3. It starts with the robot voice menu.

4. “Operator.” “Operator.” “OPERATOR.” “OP-ER-AT-OR.” “Representative?”

5. Phew, OK, you finally get through to someone.

6. They ask for your account number. Because oh yeah, sure, you have your paper bill right here. NOT.

7. After verifying every possible aspect of your identity, first things first, they remind you that you currently owe $173.51.

8. No thank you, I will pay that later, online.

9. So you explain what’s going on. Your precious internet just isn’t working, can they send someone to fix it?

10. Can you hold? Sure, you’ll hold.

11. Yes, you DID try resetting the modem and the router. You’re not an idiot.

12. Oh, the next available service appointment is in four weeks?

13. Break out the big guns. Start yelling. This is UNACCEPTABLE.

14. You tell them you’re going to switch to satellite.

15. They agree to move up your appointment to this week.

16. So you take off work and wait around all day, but they never show up.

17. And it starts allllllll over again.

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