The 11 Toys From Toy Fair 2013 That Will Make You Jealous Of Children

Toy Fair is a giant trade show that debuts the latest new toys for 2013. The only criteria of judgement here is, “Is it cool?” posted on

1. A Game Where You Pull Sticky Boogers Out of a Guy’s Nose

The premise of Gooey Louie is that he’s a man with a bad sinus infection and no body. You take turns pulling stick rubber booger strands out of his nose until someone pulls the unlucky booger that pops open his head, and his spring-loaded brain shoots out. Kids LOVE gross stuff and surprises — I can’t imagine a kid alive who wouldn’t go nuts for this game.

2. Jango Fett in an Ugly Christmas Sweater

Lego’s Star Wars Christmas 2013 collection includes Jango in a festive holiday sweater. You have to feel sorry for poor Jango, trapped in an ugly Christmas sweater someone else made him wear.

3. Krang from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

This would be an optimal Lego piece to own because it would give you an excuse to do your best Krang voice all the time. You do have a Krang voice, right?

4. Beatrix Potter Tea Set

Even as a grown person, this cutesy tea set helps an unexplainable grasp over me. Peter Rabbit! Tiny tea cups! Who can argue with that? Only downside is that it was pretty pricey at $80.

5. Ceramic Paint

Everyone loves crafty toys, right? This ceramic paint-pen set is like those ceramic painting places that you have to pay to go to, but you can do this at home. From Reutter Porcelain.

6. Rubber Guinea Pig, Because WHY NOT

Safari LTD makes sets of rubber animals you’ve probably seen in museum and zoo gift shops. What’s so delightful about them is how completist they are about their variety of species. Okapi? They got it. Lesser kudu? Yup. White rhino AND Indian rhino? You bet. That’s why the humble guinea pig seems all the more delightful.

7. Johnny Depp as a Lego Man

Casting Johnny Depp as the Native-American character Tonto for the new Lone Ranger movie is a questionable choice, but there’s something compelling about owning the Deppmeister as a Lego guy.

Here’s the coolest part of Toy Fair: Some companies that make licensed movie merchandise, like Lego, get stills from the movie and scripts far in advance so they can design the toys. This means that some of their merchandise is top secret, because it contains plot points or characters they haven’t introduced in advertisements yet. This year, Lego had toys for Iron Man 3 that the press was not allowed to photograph because it would reveal too much information about the plot of the movie — for example, Tony Stark’s Lego coffin, because he totally dies in the movie. Just kidding! That’s a little Toy Fair humor for ya.

8. Make-Your-Own-Perfume Kit

This can be for adults, right? Because I legit want this. Become your own perfume genius.

9. Boo the Dog Dolls

Boo, the famous internet dog, has a huge licensing deal with Gund, and he was the centerpiece of their showroom. There’s something a little squeamish about knowing a dog is getting rich just for being particularly cute on the internet, but I’ll give this a pass. Boo is basically made to be a stuffed animal, and if I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wanted to hug him.

10. A Zombie Version of a Marshmallow Gun — Because the Only Way to Kill a Zombie Is with a Marshmallow, Obviously

The marshmallow guns were probably my favorite thing at Toy Fair. I thought it didn’t seem that cool until I actually tested it and felt the satisfaction of blasting a marshmallow at tops speed into a target. There’s a wide array of gun makes and models, including a crossbow-style marshmallow shooter that uses a clip of mini marshmallows.

The zombie version is basically the same as the standard gun, but with a different color scheme. Somehow, fighting zombies with marshmallows seems really obvious.

The Marshmallow Gun’s App That Turns Your Phone Into a Map and Gun Scope

A clip attaches your phone to your marshmallow gun and turns the gun’s camera into a scope. You can also use GPS functionality in the app to track your friends so you can take your marshmallow war to the whole neighborhood.

Cyber-marshmallow-first-person-IRL-shooter-games are so hot for 2013.

11. A Stuffed-Animal Pigeon, Because Who’d Have Thunk?

Pigeons are so hot right now.

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