Music

The 38 DILFiest DILFs Of Music

Happy Father’s Day, everyone

1. T.I.

T.I. is like the Jon Gosselin of DILFs but without all the Ed Hardy wear and bad attitude. He and his wife, Tiny, have a reality show about their immense brood. They have three kids together, and he has three kids through previous relationships and a stepdaughter from Tiny.

2. Chris Martin of Coldplay

My favorite aspect of Martin’s relationship with Gwyneth Paltrow is that she’s five years older than him. He’s a DILF and cougar-bait, a rare combination.

3. Jarvis Cocker of Pulp

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I want to sleep with common DILFs like Jarvis. He has a son with his ex-wife who lives in Paris. Le DILF.

4. Lenny Kravitz (with his daughter Zoe, who is gorgeous)

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5. Tim McGraw

Country DILF. He and Faith Hill are like the Beyonce and Jay-Z of country music, and are both amazing looking specimens of humans, and have 3 daughters ages 11 through 15.

6. Trent Reznor

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Trent has two kids, Lazarus and Echo, with wife Mariqueen Maandig, who is also his bandmate in How To Destroy Angels.

7. Ricky Martin

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In 2011, Martin adopted twin boys through a surrogate mother. He is still super hot.

8. Hamilton Leithauser of The Walkmen

So cute, right? Awwwww DILFy.

9. Beck

Beck Hansen has two kids named Cosimo Henri and Tuesday with his wife Marissa Ribisi (twin sister of actor Giovanni).

10. Bruce Springsteen

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Ah, New Jersey DILF. Springsteen and his wife Patti Scialfa have three adult sons and daughters: Evan, Jessica, and Samuel.

11. Panda Bear (Noah Lennox) of Animal Collective

Lennox has two young children with wife Fernanda Pereira.

12. Taylor Hawkins and Dave Grohl of The Foo Fighters

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A 2-for-1 DILFs. Grohl has two daughters, and Hawkins has a son and daughter.

13. Stephen Malkmus of Pavement

Swooooooon. The Pavement DILF has two daughters with the fantastic names Lottie and Sunday.

14. Jay-Z

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Look at this photo of Hov kissing Blue Ivy and tell me you aren’t melting. I dare you.

15. Luke Jenner of The Rapture

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Hipster DILF.

16. Chris Cornell of Soundgarden

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Grunge DILF. Hello, glasses and sweater, pleased to see you on Chris Cornell. Chris has two kids with his wife Vicky, and a daughter from a previous marriage.

17. Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy

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I know, I know, it’s a shanda that he and ex-wife Ashlee Simpson named his son Bronx Mowgli. In fact, the whole Ashlee Simpson thing seems regrettable in general, but not more so than his leaked nudes.

But DILFdom a fact, not a judgement. And the fact is, he is a DILF.

18. David Bowie (pictured here with his son Duncan)

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i expect he’s eagerly anticipating the day he becomes a GILF (his son, Duncan married last year).

19. Thomas Mars of Phoenix

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The Phoenix frontman has two daughters with his wife Sofia Coppola. French DILFs are maybe the best kind of DILFs?

20. Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day

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Billie Joe has two teenage boys, which is pretty much what you’d expect he deserves.

21. Robin Thicke

Robin comes from a long line of DILFs, being the son of Alan Thicke who played the dad on Growing Pains (oh come on, admit you would). Robin and his wife, actress Paula Patton, have a son born in 2010.

22. Diplo

The DJ/producer has a 2 year old son with his girlfriend Kathryn. Big deduction of DILF points however due the hints in a 2012 Rolling Stone profile that he cheats on his girlfriend frequently and that she has to hang photos of him around their home so that their son can recognize him.

He’s still cute tho.

23. Kanye West

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Ok, not technically yet a DILF, but he will be very soon. A pre-DILF.

24. Usher

Usher has two sons with his ex-wife Tameka Foster. Tragically, last summer his former stepson (Tameka’s son from a previous relationship) was killed in a jet ski accident.

25. Brandon Flowers of The Killers

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Ahhhhhhh, Mormon DILF. Flowers has three sons.

26. Sting

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Sure, he’s a little older, but the one thing Sting is famous for other than playing music is being an epic sex-haver. You have to give him DILF status just for that.

27. Kurt Vile

Sorry Kurt, I know you probably wouldn’t like to be labeled as such, but you’re a DILF. Deal with it.

28. Jon Bon Jovi

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Bon Jovi has been married to his high school sweetheart, Dorothea, since 1989 AWWWWWW. They have four kids, ages 20 through 9. Bon Jovi has clearly made a sick pact with the devil to stay beautiful forever.

29. Kevin Griffin of Better Than Ezra

God-tier DILF.

And here’s Kevin driving a minivan full of his kids. Goodnight, world.

30. Kevin Federline

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I’m sorry world, but you know it’s true.

31. Anand Wilder of Yeasayer

Wilder was inducted into the DILF Hall of Fame in 2012 when he fathered a baby. Welcome.

32. Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead

The DILFiest of Radiohead; sorry Thom. He has three kids, and the album Hail to the Thief was dedicated to his eldest son Tamir.

33. Joel Madden of Good Charlotte

Sure, he’s a little cheesy and skeevy, but his two kids with wife Nicole Richie are adorable and they seem like a very cute family.

34. Matt Berninger of The National

Oh, hello, Mr. Berninger, you DILF, you.

35. Nas

Nas is definitely DILFy, but he’s had some bad luck with his kids’ mothers. His first kid’s mother famously had sex with his then-rival Jay-Z, which Jay obviously bragged about in a dis track. Then he filed for divorce from wife Kelis while she was still pregnant.

36. Damon Albarn of Blur

Damon has a daughter, Missy, who he named after Missy Elliot. Which is probably how we all should name our children.

37. Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers

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Kedo’s son is named Everly Bear, which normally I’d hate because I’m not into weird baby names, but it’s actually pretty adorable. Carry on.

38. Gavin Rossdale of Bush

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The ur-DILF. The One DILF To Rule Them All. The DILFiest DILF to have ever DILFed.

As a gift to you all, here is a photo of him with a puppy.

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