84 Things That Aren’t On An Everything Bagel

Yes, it’s called “everything,” but that’s not really true. These are what’s not included.

7. Roasted red pepper

8. Sun-dried tomatoes

15. Werther’s Originals

16. Hard-boiled eggs

20. Grace Jones or Lady Keir

24. Chanel basketball

26. A turd with rainbow sprinkles

30. Les Claypool’s bass

33. Burned box of semen that has grown mold

34. Two bottles of gin

36. Fake penis nails

37. Emo teen taking selfpic

38. A fat kid on a scooter

41. A dog sitting like a dude

43. A seal kissing a man

46. An adult baby/diaper lover

47. A girl barfing off a boat

48. A pile of hair

49. A goth on OKCupid

50. Gangster Bugs Bunny

53. Fred Rogers flipping you the bird

54. A black crowned night-heron

55. A tap dancing cat

56. A shaved pussy

57. A pink PT Cruiser limo

58. PT Cruiser with suicide doors

61. Rascal scooters

62. Andy Bell of Ride

67. My Little Pony erotica

70. A fat guy doing bong hits

75. Stone Cold Steve Austin

76. Bad Ass Billy Gunn

78. Hooters girls horsing around

82. A pig pooping on its own balls

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Katie Notopoulos is a senior editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Notopoulos writes about the intersection of tech and web culture.
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