Why You Just Can’t Quit Facebook

It knows you’ll be back. It always knows!

1. These days you barely even care about Facebook. Honestly.

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2. But still, there is that chunk of time every few days, or maybe everyday, when you find yourself there anyway.

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3. You’re not even HAPPY about it. You just feel like you should check in.

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4. And there it is. The familiar dull glow.

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5. Let’s just scroll back through the news feed for a while. There could be something good back there.

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6. YESSSSS, omg, your coworker posted puppy pictures.

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7. And there’s a photo album from a high school reunion. You were DEFINITELY right about deciding not to go.

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8. Hmm, what else is new? A surprising number of people report feeling truly blessed.

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9. Your coupled friends are still tagging each other in their statuses.

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10. …and posting pictures of the flowers they gave to/got from each other.

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11. Isn’t it INteresting to see who writes happy birthday on each other’s walls (when they didn’t write it on YOURS)?

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12. Your extended family is weighing in on recent political news.

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13. THEY got ENGAGED?????

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14. Is your ex … flirting with this person? Right in front of you?

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15. ~~~FEELINGS~~~

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16. You should NOT have gone that far back on your ex’s profile. This is NOT HELPING.

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18. Honestly this display is just gross, and you’re over it.

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19. (Has everyone around you seen all the faces you’ve been making?)

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20. That is probably enough Facebook for the day.

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21. Probably enough for the rest of your life. But 12 hours at least.

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Senior Editor, Ghost Hunter, Ufologist
Contact Katie Heaney at

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