You are what you like to think of as an “old soul,” and what other people like to describe as “grumpy.” You become explosively angry when words like “selfie” and “twerk” are added to the dictionary. Technology is ruining the kids’ lives. Things just aren’t as good as they used to be, and that’s why you should start telling people you think the 1969 moon landing was faked.
You are easily overwhelmed. You’re like, “I can’t deal with this right now!!!!!” You find comfort in things like crafts, puzzles, and iPhone games. You are whimsical so long as things do not get too complicated, and that is why you should join The Flat Earth Society, and deny the Earth is round.
The world is out to get you. Look behind you!!! Haha, just kidding. (Or???) You’re somewhat rebellious, though also maybe just kind of jerk-y? You just hate RULES, man. Whether they are or they aren’t, you feel sure that the powers that be have derived their power illegitimately, like by by being shape-shifting reptile people from the Alpha Draconis star system.
You probably were a goody two-shoes as a child, and think you aren’t one any longer, but you are. You like movies for children and books for teens; you may have something of a Peter Pan complex. You’re good with details, though, and you want to believe in something big, so consider looking into whether the government might’ve been involved in covering up a UFO crash in Roswell, NM, in 1947.
There was a group of popular kids who had a party once, and you were kind of on the popular kid periphery that year, but still you were not invited, and you have held this resentment deep within you for years. You should’ve been one of them. Not unrelatedly, you love Beyoncé. Wouldn’t a Satanist New World Order, led by many of pop’s greatest stars (and some well-known politicians) kiiiind of be okay with you if she were at the helm?
You love to yell at referees/umpires/athletes you don’t like, be it on the court, in the audience, or at home, alone, in the direction of your TV. Your personal sense of justice is perhaps more largely based on what you’d like to be true than what is actually true. But you believe in maintaining hope, against all odds, and that is why you should start thinking Elvis is still alive.