What It’s Like Signing Up For OkCupid For The First Time

Who knew it was possible for a person’s emotions to shift so dramatically so quickly?

1. Maybe you’ve been feeling a little lonely lately.

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2. Or at least … ready.

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3. You always told your friends to shut up when they suggested online dating. But this time … this time you wonder.

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4. So you invite some of them over to help you make a profile. To make it “fun.”

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5. At first, you’re aglow in the soft lighting of a laptop screen with seemingly dozens of hot people on it.

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6. There are a LOT of cliches, though, to be honest.

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7. But eventually you find someone who sounds (almost, kind of) PERFECT for you. And you know s/he’s available because s/he’s on here too!

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8. Your friends tell you to send a message, but you’re too nervous.

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9. So you do the next best thing.

OK, if it’s OkCupid you “rate,” not wink. Same thing!

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10. But in the morning, your inbox is still empty. And you try to play it cool …

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11. But you can feel yourself starting to lose it.

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12. So throughout the day you walk around hating anyone who looks like they might be in love.

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13. When you log on OkC after work, you see it: an email.

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14. And … well, it’s not from the person you’d hoped. But this one seems cute enough!

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15. You have a drink or three to calm your nerves.

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16. So you write back your most charming, mysterious, funny, coy, (slightly drunk?), alluring message.

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17. And they write back so soon! It’s not a …. GREAT message? But it’s … something?

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18. It goes on like this for a while.

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19. Eventually they ask you out, which, duh.

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20. On the night of your date, you show up first. Even though you tried not to leave early.

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21. The greeting could have been … smoother.

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22. The conversation is … fine? Boring. It’s hard to say.

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23. This no longer seems likely, that’s for sure.

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24. Neither of you is quite sure what to say or do at the end of the date.

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25. But it doesn’t matter, because you made it, and now you can go home.

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26. … and start worrying about what happens next.

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27. … and try to understand why anyone would send messages like all the other ones you got today. (And from OLD people! And BABIES!)

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28. It is probably time to have another drink. Log off for today. You’ve done enough.

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Senior Editor, Ghost Hunter, Ufologist
Contact Katie Heaney at

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